And I was like, "but how do you masturbate?!" Right then the dryer buzzed and I don't think I've ever seen anyone so happy to run to check on her clothes. And this wasn't a kid - this was a grown-up adult.
So, I decided to hold a sex toy party. It was a huge success! Those women were just waiting for someone to tell them it was OK. It's silly, really. We’re wasting too much time and energy worrying about this thing, which is a lovely, simple, healthy thing. It’s like this little secret that shouldn’t be a secret. (Learn more in Why Masturbation Is Essential to Unlocking the Secrets of Yourself.)
Kinkly: You write a lot about female pleasure. What are some of the things that tend to hold women back from exploring what makes them feel good?
Jenny Block: I had this lovely, liberal, kind family, but it still seemed like I wasn’t supposed to be too anything. Don’t take more than one cookie, don’t take the biggest one, don’t be too noisy. We’re supposed to be good girls and there’s all this junk around that. We’ve all been so shamed. To some extent, women have been socialized not to enjoy sex. My mission became to be available to help women learn the truth.
Kinkly: You say in your book that people can get into a "comfortable rut" with masturbation. What does that mean and why is it a problem?
Jenny Block: If you masturbate and it works for you, it’s totally fine, but when you try something new you create a new pathway. When you explore masturbation, you open up new pathways. Nothing is wrong, but I challenge women to try something different. And when they do, they always come back and say it’s newer and better and exciting and they want to do it more, and that makes them feel better. Even with sex, you end up in this comfortable pattern. It’s nice to surprise yourself. There’s a lot to gain by taking a risk and seeing what else might interest you. (Learn more in 10 Things You Don't Know About Self-Love.)
Kinkly: What is something you would like everyone to know about masturbation?
Jenny Block: That it’s your right and your responsibility. You have a right to your body and pleasure, but you also have a responsibility to take care of yourself. I cannot think of one reason not to do it. I can think of a million why you should. Whenever someone comes to me with a problem, I ask them: How much are you masturbating? When I masturbate, I feel like I can take over the world. I feel like the sexiest, most powerful person in the world. Things can hold you back, but all you can do is start taking the right steps.
Kinkly: What are you top tips for solo sex?
Jenny Block: My No.1 tip is to make sure you have the time and space to do it. Pick a time and place where you will have privacy. The second is to go for it. Nothing is weird, just go with whatever fantasies and movements and things you want to do. And don’t be afraid to explore things you haven’t tried. If you always lie on your stomach, lie on your back. If you haven’t tried toys, go for it. Be as exploratory as you feel.
Want to read more of Jenny's solo sex tips? Check out her book here.