Have you ever wondered why babies suck their toes? Because it feels good. They touch their genitals for the same reason. Simply because it feels good. It is normal for infants to explore their bodies and repeat what gives them pleasure. Not all infants will do this, but many, given the opportunity, will. Toddlers are also curious humans and are learning about the world around them through exploration. With toilet training, there can be lots of focus on the genitals. It’s normal for a child to want to touch themselves. As kids get older, you can talk to them about privacy and when it is appropriate (or inappropriate) to masturbate.
Talking About Masturbation With Children
If the word masturbation feels uncomfortable to you when talking about children, genital touch, self-touch, self-pleasuring, or simply playing with your penis or playing with your clitoris are some other options. As adults, we associate masturbation with sexual feelings and thoughts. Depending on the age and maturity level of the child, there may or may not be sexual thoughts involved.
My son is nine years old. Since we started the conversation about masturbation being something that we do when we are alone in a private space (the bathtub or in one’s bedroom), we began referring to it as private time. He also knows the term masturbate, but if he goes in his room and closes the door and informs us that he is having private time, we know what he means.
He also knows that he has not started puberty yet, but that someday masturbation may include an ejaculation that contains sperm. This is part of teaching him the story about how babies are made. It makes sense to talk to our kids about their changing bodies before the change happens. Helping get them mentally prepared for the physical changes they will experience is a key part of preparing them for life.
Allowing children to do what feels natural to them in an appropriate context and environment, we teach the importance of self-love and self-respect. So if you have a child you are helping to raise, no matter what age they are, consider communicating with them in a healthy and affirming way about how special our bodies are and how it’s healthy to enjoy the good feelings our bodies can give us. Self-pleasure is natural and normal both for adults and children. After all, you probably did it too.
