It's a new month! We've got one of the best Sex Bloggers lined up for April, and we're not foolin'! Just in case you're a new reader, each and every month, we carefully select a Sex Blogger of the Month. For April, we've chosen Cheeky Minx from Love Hate Sex Cake. Cheeky Minx's intimate and sensual posts will leave you breathless and ready for more. Here are Cheeky Minx's answers to Kinkly's ten questions.
Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.
CM: Sensual. Erotic. Intimate.
Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?
CM: On reflection, the strongest driving force back in 2009 was my libido, which was at an all-time high. Even though I’ve always possessed an intense and vigorous appetite, my sexual and sensual desires dramatically escalated. As I was single during this period (in hindsight, the perfect status and space for exploration), I found an outlet in a number of brief but passionate relationships, as well as journal writing (that was increasingly focusing on my erotic life). However, these experiences and my private musings merely fueled my craving for something else, something more: an expression that would allow me to capture and work through the nuances of my desire while connecting with others of like mind. At the time, I was also reading and devouring erotica and a number of sex blogs, and it felt like the right moment to step out of the shadows and add my own voice to the sphere.
Kinkly: What's behind the name?
CM: The name is an extended wordplay on the adage "love and hate." The phrase lodged itself into my head for a couple of days as I was toying with launching the blog – love, hate, sex … From the outset, I knew sex and love would be the focus of the blog, but my plan was never one that inclined towards an idealised view or purely fictional erotica. I wanted to actively explore the messier emotions connected to, and inspired by, my own passionate relationships and connections. While it was never my intention to explore hatred, I feel the term hints at a darker side, which allows a reader to gauge the emotional, affective, and sexual spectrum of my writing. The last term in the title – "cake" – appeared as part of a rhyming flow of one-syllable words that, in some odd way, layers, assembles and grounds them. Aside from that, I have a seriously sweet tooth and love cake!
Kinkly: Who's your target reader?
CM: I didn’t set out with a target reader or audience in mind when I began writing. I would say my work appeals to open-minded individuals who are attracted to a particular brand of sensuality, to a femininity and feminine desire that’s explored in prose, poetry and photographic self-portraiture. If there is a target reader, I would suggest it might be one who gravitates toward yearning and longing in erotica because they are recurring themes in my work.
Kinkly: What's unique about your blog?
CM: This is a difficult one because my voice is just one among many in a very talented community. If I can lay claim to a uniqueness of any kind, it might be the way I coupled self-portraits with my own erotica from as early as 2010. When I began participating in one of the first erotic self-portrait memes in March of that year, HNT, I was determined to write my own erotica as a means of reinforcing the themes and desires in my imagery, rather than using quotations, song lyrics, or the details of the photographic process. At the time, I was aware of only a few writers/photographers outside the HNT meme who were exploring the relation between their own erotic photography and prose. In the six years that have passed, I have tried to focus on the relation between the word and my imagery, as well as my own personal desire, physical sensations and pleasures, and a sense of anticipation and longing. As such, it’s an intimate approach that isn’t fictional or fictionalised. My work is grounded in the everyday as opposed to imagined spaces and pleasures. Having said that, I don’t regard sex as routine or predictable, just as I don’t disregard the importance of fantasy (and its centrality to sexuality and desire). For me, it’s a case of the extraordinary found in the seemingly ordinary – desire and the erotic charging and transforming everyday time and spaces.
Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?
CM: Since my blog is an intimate documentation of my own experiences, and my love life has been characterised by ups and downs, a good deal of my work centers on longing. While this is often linked to heartache and sadness, it also implicates a charged and exhilarating sense of anticipation (that can be just as erotic as any single sexual act), as well the complex character of an addictive/obsessive desire. Along with this, my own self-portraiture has inspired pieces on exhibitionism and photography.
Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?
CM: In terms of my writing, there are two standouts, if I’m allowed to measure popularity not only in terms of stats, but also comments and emails from readers: Word of Mouth and Dis-moi… Judging by the response, the first-person voice and sense of immediacy in both is key. With the former, the public dirty-talking scene and the erotic nature of language were the details my readers highlighted time and again, while the latter pushed the right buttons for many due to its visceral focus on the development of a D/s dynamic via a voracious female appetite for group sex.
Kinkly: What's the best thing about writing a sex blog?
CM: For me, it’s definitely having the means and the opportunity to work through my desires and feelings, as well as inspire and arouse, in a form that encourages immediate feedback and connection with readers and creators. That sense of connection and the conversations generated by particular pieces/images is one of the most productive and rewarding aspects. Without that engagement and encouragement, my blog wouldn’t be what it is today; it wouldn’t possess its current scope, richness or depth. I feel very grateful and humbled by the support, exchanges and collaborations this platform has opened up.
Kinkly: What's the worst thing about it?
CM: The dreaded writer’s block and the waning of energy and inspiration are the worst aspects. I often feel drained by everyday, real-life stresses, as well as a lack of time. For me, the pressure to post regularly is another downside. While I don’t like to compare myself to other bloggers, I can’t help but berate myself when my productivity is low. I’m now at a point where I refuse to post anything I feel doesn’t uphold the standard I’ve set for myself.
Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.
CM: Chemistry. Great sex needs chemistry – that uncontrollable, inexplicable magnetic attraction. In my experience, it can’t be faked or created where it simply doesn’t exist. For me, this begins not only with a certain body chemistry, but also with the mind and an intellectual connection that challenges, tempts and inspires. While a beautiful and flexible body is a truly wondrous thing, it never trumps a curious, agile, erotically visionary and ravenous mind. Never. If I had a best tip it would be to take heed of that chemistry and allow yourself to be drawn to people as a result of it, even if they might not conform to your ideal physical type. Once I’m lucky enough to be in that position, I take the time for anticipation, frisson, and for hunger to develop and overwhelm me. That usually entails communication, flirtation, openness, being present, and many sensual, wanton, and filthy little words.
Sex is a bit like a secret society; everyone's doing it, it's just that no one talks about it. Kinkly's mission is to start that conversation, answer your questions and help you discover new and exciting things about sex, love and your body. We guarantee it'll be illuminating, enlightening, fun ... and a little kinky. And that's OK with us.
No innuendos, no judgments and no apologies, just fearless, straight-up talk about sex.
