One of the most common myths of bottoming for gay men also involves the most common reason that many gay couples can’t engage in it. The pain that some men experience with bottoming can keep many out of this arena for good. For relationships where this problem exists, frustration can ruin the relationship. However, it doesn’t have to be this way. There are ways to enjoy anal sex without experiencing any pain at all. If you really want it, and so does your partner, don’t throw your relationship away without processing through this workable problem.
For men who want to bottom, but the pain is too much for them, they can experience serious feelings of shame. One man might want to engage in this, but simply can’t. Sometimes, this can even make that person feel like a failure in the relationship. The couple might compare themselves to those who connect easily with anal sex in movies and even porn. Unfortunatley, movies don’t do a good job of depicting anal sex. They show it as something that should come easily. This isn’t always the case for couples; it can take a lot of effort to make it something that works for both of you. If your partner wants to bottom, but can’t, or if he even struggles with some anxiety of being penetrated, be careful not to shame him. Validate his feelings, and discuss this in an open way. This helps to build trust. Trust is critical for anal sex and for your relationship as well. (Get more tips in A First Timer's Guide to Anal Sex.) Fortunately, a lot of the fear and anxiety that surrounds anal sex is based on myth. Here we'll tackle some of the misconceptions that could be getting in the way of enjoying anal pleasure with your partner.