"Haha! I’m kidding!" he deflected. A quick glimpse into his psyche, and then it was gone. I should’ve taken notice, but he apologized. I wanted to believe he was not that guy. He reined it in, and things went on as usual.
More Than Friends?
Of course, it wouldn’t stay that way! Duh. Later that week, he tried kissing me. When I refused and firmly stated that we’re just friends, he told me that he didn’t believe me. Because according to him, he felt something between us. Basically, he wanted to bang me, and my not wanting it was getting in his way. I don’t know why the signs that were blaring a giant red and loud, "Get out! Get out of this friendship now!!" didn’t phase me. Probably because of the past months of hanging out and the good times that we'd had. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He seemed mature. If I could salvage the friendship, I wanted to do that.
That Slut Call
A week later, we were planning for the weekend. I had a party on Saturday, and he wanted to see me on Sunday for a walk (we did this quite often). Knowing I might end up hungover on Sunday, I told him, "I dunno about Sunday! Depends on how Saturday goes!" I would be down for a walk if I weren’t hungover, but if I were, then I’d prefer to just eat lots of carbs and hibernate with Netflix (who wouldn’t?).
His response?
"You’re such a slut! Not. lol"
This is when my brain finally clicked on (gee, thanks, brain). This man was slut shaming me because I didn’t want to sleep with him. He imagined me going to a party and fucking everyone but him, and that pissed him off. I guess because, somehow, I owed him sex for being nice to me.
I stopped talking to him after that. He apologized again and again. Even his apology was annoying. He thought he hurt my feelings. You didn’t hurt my feelings, fool! You annoyed me! You overstepped. You put on your Mr. Nice Guy mask and pretended to be a good friend. When you didn’t get what you wanted, you thought you’d bring me down a peg or two by first passive aggressively trying to shame me, then calling me a slut outright and trying to brush it off as a joke. (And what's wrong with being a slut anyway? Read more in Hate to Break It To You, But You Might Just Be a Slut.)
No Shame My Sex Game
I know what I do, and I choose to do it because I love what I do. I see no shame in liking sex, in thinking that it is a normal part of life. Whether I want to have sex daily, all the time, with everyone, or not, is no one's business except my own. I most certainly don’t need a baby-like, immature, passive aggressive, man-boy trying to manipulate me to fuck him.
Basically ladies, what I’m trying to say here in my long-winded way is, don’t let assholes like this take away your shine. Be vigilant with people (both men and women) who will likely throw shade at you, overtly or covertly, because they’re not getting something they want out of you. They want to bend your will to suit theirs. Don’t let them.
