Sex Blogger of the Month: Lilly of Dangerous Lilly

Each month, Kinkly highlights a new sex blogger. There are just so many cool, unique blogs to share! This month, we're featuring Lilly of DangerousLilly.com. Lilly's informative and honest sex toy reviews and sex toy myth busting are just two of the many reasons why she's so well-respected in the blogosphere - and why we're so happy to feature her here. Here are Lilly's answers to Kinkly's 10 questions.

Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.

Lilly: Education, honesty, fire.

Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?

Lilly: In 2008 I was on a quest to find a certain kind of vibrator; the little on-site review blurbs confused me because some people would say "It's soooo powerful!" while the next would say "It was really weak." I wanted to ask these people, "Why do you think it's powerful? What else have you tried? Is it easy for you to orgasm without sex toys?" because I needed clarification. I was sick of wasting money on a bunch of sex toys that weren't working for me. I was sick of relying on ad copy that was an embellishment, at best. I finally found a person who owned the sex toy I was trying to find information on and not only was I able to ask her questions, but she also was my introduction to sex blogs and sex toy reviewing. I didn't know this was thing! I knew that I had a lot of opinions about sex toys and that I could write about those opinions, but in 2008 no one was doing "just" sex toy reviews. You had to have an audience and that meant you had to have another angle. So I chose "sexy" sex blogging. I was excited to be able to explore my newfound exhibitionism and kink-leanings while also having a platform for sex toy reviewing.

Kinkly: What's behind the name?

Lilly: "Lilly" was inspired by my main character's name on an MMORPG that I played for years. The "Dangerous" part was a bit accidental; when I first started out I was on Blogger (briefly) and decided to name my blog "This Could be Dangerous..." the only available name on Blogger that worked for my title was dangerouslilly.blogger.com. Somehow, people started calling me Dangerous Lilly. I've since dropped the blog title of "This Could be Dangerous..." but the nickname stuck.

Kinkly: Who's your target reader?

Lilly: The person who is utterly confused about sex toys: what's safe, why their dildo is burning their genitals, which one of the thousand clitoral vibrators to choose, etc. It can all be very daunting when you first look around! Every sex toy seems almost too good to be true, if you believe the ad copy. I've likened it before to standing in the cold medicine aisle at your local mega-pharmacy. You're sick and confused, the boxes seem to either treat symptoms you don't have or not enough of your symptoms, and each one claims to be the best.

Kinkly: What's unique about your blog?

Lilly: I would like to say my funny, super-honest sex toy reviews, but that (thankfully!) isn't a unique thing anymore. There are so many amazing reviewers who write well and write honestly. I focus heavily on education as it relates to sex toy material safety; i.e. toxic toy materials, porous sex toy materials, how to spot silicone versus everything else, and then how to take care of these materials. I also have my Ask Lilly feature where I publicly answer some of the reader questions I get that are either super common or just deserve more of an in-depth answer (or experiment), but the category also includes Blogger Education posts aimed at helping fellow bloggers, as well as my Lilly Investigates posts. My new mantra for what I do, what a lot of us are doing, is "never shut up" and I think I've got that sorted!

Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?

Lilly: For me it's all about myth busting, with a little answering of the "how and "why." There's so much misinformation or *changed* information out there about sex toys, sex toy materials, etc. Whether I'm talking about porosity or assuring people that a silicone toy can lay in a drawer touching another silicone toy and everything will be fine, I try really hard to clear the clutter to make way for the truth. The real issues can get lost in the cacophony of myths. Plus, there's so much still that is misunderstood or under-appreciated - like wooden sex toys! Spoiler alert: There are no splinters.

Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?

Lilly: For a long time it was "Yes, Jelly Sex Toys Can be Dangerous" but the trend of coconut oil has caused the "Coconut Oil for Lube? Yes!" post to steal the top rank since it was written last year. The original top post was popular in part because of the title, which was taken directly from search terms that led people to my blog (in part because of the name of my blog at that time, 'This Could be Dangerous...'), but also in part due to the subject. A lot of people search for answers on why their sex toy is causing a burning sensation. This is happening a little less frequently in the last couple of years because silicone sex toys are on the rise, but it still happens enough that I know we're not done with this quest.

Kinkly: What's the best thing about writing a sex blog?

Lilly: The community, the people I've met (whether it's in-person at amazing conferences like Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit or just online). For the first time in my life I'm finally connecting with people who GET me, and on topics beyond sex toys. It's inspiring to be part of something bigger; together we are amazing, and we get shit done. I believe that one day we will be able to look back and know that we had a hand in changing the sex toy industry and making it safer for everyone by advocating for truly body-safe sex toy materials. I believe that manufacturers will continue to try harder to make truly great sex toys because our collective reviews have an impact and make a big difference.

Kinkly: What's the worst thing about it?

Lilly: For me personally, the worst thing about it is having to hide the fact that I write it. I have blogged anonymously for the past seven years. I started out anonymous because my original blog angle was "sexy"; I wrote about my sex life, my dates as a woman in an open relationship, and I shared erotic/nude photos of myself. I had a conservative job and a conservative family and I couldn't have either of them finding out about the blogging. Now that the blogging has taken an entirely different avenue and is something I am immensely proud of, I am still stuck in anonymity because of my very conservative family. I have to decide, soon, if I'm going to be OK if they find out and are against it. I am being pushed to "do something you love, something that utilizes your skills," but I can't tell them that I have already achieved those goals ... just not in a traditional job that can be bragged about when friends and extended family ask about me. Being "undercover" like this is, at times, really heartbreaking and really hard.

Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.

Lilly: I think a lot of people are really afraid of these three things that could change their sex life dramatically: good communication, good sex toys and good lube. There is fear, there is misinformation, there is shame ... and that little trifecta can be really hard for many people to embrace. But when you do, you will wonder why it didn't happen sooner. I hear from older readers who are just now embracing some or all of those things and I keep hearing, "I wish we would have done this sooner." Life is too short for you to not have the kind of sex you want to be having - whatever it is.