Sex Blogger of the Month: Lilly of Dangerous Lilly

Lilly: For me it's all about myth busting, with a little answering of the "how and "why." There's so much misinformation or *changed* information out there about sex toys, sex toy materials, etc. Whether I'm talking about porosity or assuring people that a silicone toy can lay in a drawer touching another silicone toy and everything will be fine, I try really hard to clear the clutter to make way for the truth. The real issues can get lost in the cacophony of myths. Plus, there's so much still that is misunderstood or under-appreciated - like wooden sex toys! Spoiler alert: There are no splinters.

Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?

Lilly: For a long time it was "Yes, Jelly Sex Toys Can be Dangerous" but the trend of coconut oil has caused the "Coconut Oil for Lube? Yes!" post to steal the top rank since it was written last year. The original top post was popular in part because of the title, which was taken directly from search terms that led people to my blog (in part because of the name of my blog at that time, 'This Could be Dangerous...'), but also in part due to the subject. A lot of people search for answers on why their sex toy is causing a burning sensation. This is happening a little less frequently in the last couple of years because silicone sex toys are on the rise, but it still happens enough that I know we're not done with this quest.

Kinkly: What's the best thing about writing a sex blog?

Lilly: The community, the people I've met (whether it's in-person at amazing conferences like Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit or just online). For the first time in my life I'm finally connecting with people who GET me, and on topics beyond sex toys. It's inspiring to be part of something bigger; together we are amazing, and we get shit done. I believe that one day we will be able to look back and know that we had a hand in changing the sex toy industry and making it safer for everyone by advocating for truly body-safe sex toy materials. I believe that manufacturers will continue to try harder to make truly great sex toys because our collective reviews have an impact and make a big difference.

Kinkly: What's the worst thing about it?

Lilly: For me personally, the worst thing about it is having to hide the fact that I write it. I have blogged anonymously for the past seven years. I started out anonymous because my original blog angle was "sexy"; I wrote about my sex life, my dates as a woman in an open relationship, and I shared erotic/nude photos of myself. I had a conservative job and a conservative family and I couldn't have either of them finding out about the blogging. Now that the blogging has taken an entirely different avenue and is something I am immensely proud of, I am still stuck in anonymity because of my very conservative family. I have to decide, soon, if I'm going to be OK if they find out and are against it. I am being pushed to "do something you love, something that utilizes your skills," but I can't tell them that I have already achieved those goals ... just not in a traditional job that can be bragged about when friends and extended family ask about me. Being "undercover" like this is, at times, really heartbreaking and really hard.

Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.

Lilly: I think a lot of people are really afraid of these three things that could change their sex life dramatically: good communication, good sex toys and good lube. There is fear, there is misinformation, there is shame ... and that little trifecta can be really hard for many people to embrace. But when you do, you will wonder why it didn't happen sooner. I hear from older readers who are just now embracing some or all of those things and I keep hearing, "I wish we would have done this sooner." Life is too short for you to not have the kind of sex you want to be having - whatever it is.