BDSM
Safe, Sexy Adult Spanking Tips for Two
Published: NOVEMBER 23, 2023
If you keep safety in mind before and during your consensual spanking sessions, you will be free to fully enjoy all the many facets of spanking and kinky discipline.
Feeling kinky? Don't you just love a thorough spanking?
You're not alone. Spanking - or, more specifically, adult spanking - when undertaken as part of a consensual, sensual session between fun-loving adults, is an extremely pleasurable activity. It's popular as well - a 2017 survey conducted by Lovehoney found that 75% of men and 66% of women had tried spanking. And why not? Both the spanker and spankee enjoy an entire catalog of positive sensations and emotions - not to mention a whole lot of physical stimulation.
As with all activities in BDSM, consent and safety are key. Sure, the emphasis is always on exchange of control, adventure and fun, but the levels of vulnerability between partners enjoying BDSM activities such as spanking are often pretty intense.
So, how do you go about ensuring that you retain all the fun of a sound spanking, while keeping everyone safe? I'll show you how to spank your partner soundly and oh-so safely.
Read: Your Hand, My Ass: Erotic Spanking for Beginners
Why are adults into spanking? What makes it erotic?
In general, spanking - both giving and receiving - can help our bodies release oxytocin, dopamine and adrenaline, all of which can make us feel good. In fact, research has found that mild or even intense pain received in a sexy context can lead to a mind-altering, trance-like state, or a sort of ecstasy.
Specific benefits that spanking fans cite are perhaps obviously, pleasure, but also stress relief and the enjoyment that can come from having or relinquishing power. Additionally, there can be some emotional and psychological payoffs to spanking. This is why an activity called "spanking therapy" exists within this context.
Read: Consent and Catharsis: Coping With Trauma That Comes Up During Rough Play
Adult Spanking Safety Tips
Spanking can be a lot of fun but it’s always important to make sure it’s also safe! Here are some tips for keeping you and your partner safe and happy while exploring spanking.
Know the Risks
There are a couple schools of thought when it comes to BDSM/rough sexy play. There’s the "risk-aware consensual kink" (RACK) school of thought, which involves accepting that BDSM activities are inherently risky and it is up to each person to decide how much risk they are willing to deal with. Then there’s the "safe, sane and consensual (SSC)" approach, in which participants engage only in activities they (and their partners) have deemed "safe" beforehand. No matter the approach, it is always of the utmost importance that before engaging in any kind of BDSM, play participants know there are risks and choose if and how they will approach them.
Play Sober
Mind altering substances can mess with our perception of both pain and the amount of force we are using. This makes it dangerous for either partner to be intoxicated when engaging in spanking.
Be Clear on Consent
As with all things sexual, spanking requires informed, enthusiastic, ongoing consent. This means it should probably be something you talk about before you try it and it should never be something you assume is OK or pressure a partner to do.
Talk to each other about what you want and keep checking in to ensure you are still on the same page. Also, though, make sure you talk about what you don’t want. Make sure you are both clear on each other’s boundaries and limits before you start spanking.
Read: The Basics of BDSM Negotiation
Keep Communication Going
One of the best communication tools to use during spanking, as in any BDSM and power exchange session, is a safeword. Establishing one before you start protects both the dominant partner and the one displaying submission. This should be a word you normally wouldn't say or hear during sex or BDSM role play. It can be anything you like, but words such as "no" and "stop" are definitely out. The traffic lights system is common: "Green" means go, "yellow" means slow down and "red" means stop.
Having a safe word in place, even if it's never spoken, allows the person who's receiving "punishment" to let the one in control know when they are not completely happy with the proceedings. This ensures that play is always, always consensual. Consent is at the heart of all BDSM - as well as fun, of course!
If you decide to use mouth gags or sensory deprivation hoods during spanking and BDSM roleplay, you will need to choose another form of safeword, a non-vocal one. This can be arranged by discussing and agreeing on finger signals, or by handing the submissive partner a bell to ring.
Mind Your Aim
When you are spanking someone it’s important to know where it is and is not safe to hit. There are some general rules of thumb:
Meatier, fleshier areas, like the butt and thighs, are safer
You want to steer clear of major organs, so avoid the abdomen and low back.
To avoid injury, tailbone, hips and spine are also no-go zones.
Also skip ears, head, feet and calves.
Beyond that, knowing how to distribute your swats can help you deliver a more thorough, enjoyable spanking. Follow these guidelines:
Focus 70-80% of the spanking on the fullest part of the buttocks.
Dole out 20-30% of your spanks to the tender sit spots right below the tush.
Leave the last 10-20% of your spanking time for some lighter swats to the upper thighs.
Erotic Spanking Implements
The next thing to consider: What do you use to spank your partner? There are many items available and the experience varies depending on which you choose.
When choosing your implement, you want to take into account whether you want to give (or receive) a short-range spanking (a spanking where the recipient is over the spanker’s knee for example), or a long-range spanking (a spanking where the recipient is bent over a bench, bed, or other piece of furniture). You'll also have to consider how much sting you want it to involve, and even what kind of marks you want that spanking to leave behind. It sounds like a lot to think about but it can really help you zero in on the right tool for you. Let’s talk about some options.
For short range spanking you might choose one of the following:
Your hand: A convenient and accessible option. Spankings delivered by hand are a bit gentler, with less sting than other options. Result: light splotches.