Safe, Sexy Spanking Tips for Two

Feeling kinky? Don't you just love a thorough spanking?

You're not alone. Spanking, when undertaken as part of a consensual, sensual session between fun-loving adults, is an extremely pleasurable activity. Both the spanker and spankee enjoy an entire catalog of positive sensations and emotions - not to mention a whole lot of physical stimulation.

As with all activities in BDSM, consent and safety are key. Sure, the emphasis is always on exchange of control, adventure and fun, but the levels of vulnerability between partners enjoying BDSM activities such as spanking are often pretty intense.

So, how do you go about ensuring that you retain all the fun of a sound spanking, while keeping everyone safe? I'll show you how to spank your partner soundly and oh-so safely. (Do some background reading: Your Hand, My Ass: Erotic Spanking for Beginners.)

What's a Safe Spanking Anyway?

Spanking is a physical activity, but the risks go beyond that. Putting yourself out there for a solid spanking requires courage as well as trust. It renders you vulnerable, especially when entering the realms of what is known as "subspace," the psychological state reached during times of intense submission. For the person doing the spanking, it's important to be sure of your recipient's enjoyment and emotional/psychological comfort at all times. We'll get into more specific safety tips later. Just know that this isn't just about bruises.

Choosing Your Implement

The next thing to consider: What do you use to spank your partner? There are many items available, the most obvious of which is your hand. Moving into external implements, you may choose to use a spanking paddle, or venture into stricter corporal punishment by way of a flogger, riding crop or whip. You can even throw some things you have around the house into the mix. (Materials matter too. You can read more about spanking paddles and materials here.)

Getting Into Position

Next up, positioning. Think about the position of the person you'll be spanking before you begin. Will they be comfortable? Are they able to breathe freely and easily at all times? Do you both feel safe? Here are some common ways to deliver a safe, sound spanking.

Over the Knee (OTK)
If you're the one delivering the spanking, make sure you're in a comfortable seat, where you can keep both feet flat on the floor. This will help you evenly distribute and carry the weight of the recipient over your knees. It also means you won't be putting too much strain on your calf muscles or knees. If you get sore or stiff at any time, don't be afraid to stop the session for a moment to consider another position.

Both the spanker and the intended target should make sure that knees are not digging into ribs during the spanking, which could lead to unwanted bruises or difficulty breathing (remember that those being spanked tend to hold their breath). It usually takes some practice by both partners to get the right balance and get comfortable in this position.

On the Bed
If you're in a sexual relationship, or are indulging in BDSM as part of a romantically involved couple, you will most likely be on a bed at some point. Fortunately, spanking on a big, comfortable bed is both safe and, well, comfortable. The large expanse of mattress not only provides a supportive base for the one being spanked - whether that person's on all fours or flat on their tummy - but it also offers further bondage potential. Try under-the-bed restraints or traditional bondage cuffs. (Learn some bondage basics in Why Bondage Can Be So Much Fun.)

Over Household Furniture
It can be highly tempting to spank someone over the kitchen counter or dining room table. But before shoving your intended up against something with sharp edges and pointy corners in the heat of the moment, stop and think. Will you regret it? Is there anything in front of your spanking partner that could injure them in any way?

Off-the-cuff fantasies are fun, but the best and safest bet is to carefully plan your location before you begin.

Using Specialized Spanking Furniture
Yes, there is furniture designed just for spanking and it is obviously ideal - if you have both the money to invest and the room to store it. If you don't, certain sex swings can be used and stored away underneath the bed to give you a practical piece of furniture that is both supportive and safe for spanking.

For most us, it's just plain impractical to have large spanking furniture around the house. But if you do have the chance to try out a spanking bench or table at a dungeon of fetish club, do it. You won't regret it!

What to Wear

You wouldn't think you'd need to worry about what you're wearing during spanking. The truth is, you don't! That said, you should ensure that the target of your spanking attentions does not have anything around the neck, such as scarves, rope, or tight clothing. Spanking results in a lot of jolting and thrashing around, which could be a hazard for those who like to thrash around. (A well-fastened collar should be OK, if you'd like.)

Additional Safety Tips

Using a safeword during spanking, as in any BDSM and power exchange session, protects both the Dominant partner and the one displaying submission. This should be a word you normally wouldn't say or hear during sex or BDSM roleplay. It can be anything you like, but words such as "no" and "stop" are definitely out. The traffic lights system is common: "Green" means go, "yellow" means slow down and "red" means stop.

Having a safeword in place, even if it's never spoken, allows the person who's receiving "punishment" to let the one in control know when they are not completely happy with the proceedings. This ensures that play is always, always consensual. Consent is at the heart of all BDSM - as well as fun, of course!

If you decide to use mouth gags or sensory deprivation hoods during spanking and BDSM roleplay, you will need to choose another form of safeword, a non-vocal one. This can be arranged by discussing and agreeing on finger signals, or by handing the submissive partner a bell to ring.

And do remember the key tenets of rough play: It should be safe, sane and consensual. (Get a first-hand account of how this works in The Rules of Rough Sex.)

Now, Who's Ready for a Spanking?

If you keep safety in mind before and during your consensual spanking sessions, you will be free to fully enjoy all the many facets of spanking and kinky discipline. So go on, discover a new way to play together. If you do it right, you'll get to enjoy the pleasure of knowing that even when you're at your most vulnerable, you are being cared for and kept safe - not to mention well-spanked.