Sex Stories We Love: Don't Help Me, Ronda, Simulated Cinematic Sex, and Working Together on Sex Ed

I definitely want to second my colleague Bobbie Morgan’s praise of the many amazing sex bloggers in Kinkly’s Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2015.

Seriously, there is some great reading there—I’ve already found some new faves. Bobbie didn’t mention she’s also there! Congrats, friend!

And now, the sex news!

Don't Help Me, Ronda

Wow. If you want to rally and piss off the whole community, you can take some great tips from UFC champion Ronda Rousey - but don't go asking her for sex tips. For some reason Maxim saw fit to give the fighter a forum to offer sex advice. Why? No idea. Maybe Ronda is really passionate about sharing ideas about how we can all improve our sex lives and make ourselves happier.

Unfortunately, if she is dedicated to desire, she doesn’t actually know what she’s talking about. The sex community absolutely exploded with both laughter and head shaking when Rousey offered this precious and perilous faux pas: “What should a guy always do? Take his time. In general, a girl takes a minute. He needs to get her ready. You should never need lube in your life. If you need lube, than you’re being lazy...and you’re not taking your time.”

No, Ronda. No.

And many, may sex educators and experts tell us just the opposite.

Simulated Cinematic Sex?

Have you ever wondered what is really happening during movie sex scenes? Some scenes appear so graphic, so realistic...could the performers actually be having sex? Well, beyond the fantasy of wanting to see our favorite stars get it on, it stands to reason that has been some legitimate sex worked into scripts and filmed for posterity. This article lists some notable moments in celluloid copulation, noting there hasn’t been a lot, and very little that has made its way to North American screenings. The big question is whether or not films that do feature actual sex acts should be considered pornography. Will that line ever blur?

Working Together on Sex Ed

One of the more challenging aspects of advancing sex education is that spot where crucial information butts up against religious belief. While it might be easy to dismiss the value of religion over needed information, we must remember that those of faith can offer the same thought. In many countries, freedom to practice religion is a right, but should the dissemination of needed sexual and societal information take precedence over religious tenets?

To head off a volatile situation in Ontario’s Peel region, a constructive discussion between religious leaders and school officials happened to produce a guide to what is in a newly implemented sex ed curriculum. Parts of the community have objected to the new teachings and some false information was distributed. To counter this, the officials created a document to make the new curriculum understandable—and it is available in 11 languages! Many have said before, communication is the best part of sex.

Sex Writers Like to Eat

As someone who makes part of my living from writing, I was drawn to two recent works—one relating to sex and one not—that highlight a situation that also relates to sex and beyond. Both ultra-cool Wil Wheaton and Sandra LaMorgese published fantastic works detailing how you should always remember and value your own worth in what you do.

Wheaton was responding to being asked to write for free on Huffington Post and LaMorgese discusses her change in thinking of deals for clients when her career transitioned into becoming a dominatrix. When you put the two together, you get a common plight in the sex community: the all-too-common expectation you will write about sex for free. Seriously, it happens all the time, folks, and has only gotten worse over the years. Sure, sometimes we want to share information for free. Sometimes we’ll provide content on barter. But the only writing a sex writer should do for no pay is for themselves.

Besides, groceries don't pay for themselves!

Awkward but Not Alone

It isn’t every day that you open a new tab in a browser to read an article about orgies and it describes everything you feel about sex parties. Yet it happened here and Anna Pulley’s piece I'm Always the Wallflower at the Orgy completely blew me away. Because I am the worst at sex parties. Some people don’t believe me when I say I’m an introvert. Ha! That animal and bookshelf technique that Pulley describes are some of my favorite moods! So is chatting with the DJ, latching on to friends that are resting, going out for lengthy breathes of fresh air, and other evasive maneuvers that define my complete inability to navigate sex parties.

And I tried, numerous times. Events I attended with partners were successful, but events I went to on my own were utterly disappointing. It is really odd to be so immersed in the sex community but so terrible at sex parties. So, a small tip of advice to those who are utterly comfortable at orgies: talk to that awkward person and try to help them feel comfortable. Don’t go all pity fuck on them, but creating ease can be glorious.

And if you plan to be in the Toronto-area November 13–15, be sure to check out Playground Conference!