Sex Blogger of the Month: N Likes of 'My Dissolute Life'

Here at Kinkly, we love sex bloggers. In fact, they're our heroes! So, every month we bring you a gifted and sexy blogger to draw you in and educate you. This month, we are featuring N Likes of My Dissolute Life, a blog that features a fine mix of erotica and personal sexy experiences that will definitely have you begging for more. Here are his answers to Kinkly's 10 questions.

Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.

N Likes: Honest. Thought-provoking. Hot. (I know - that could be considered four words. Sue me.)

Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?

N Likes: L, a PTA mom I was fucking (and licking, and fingering, and generally putting to copious and fulfilling use as my "fuck-toy" - her term) suggested it. I have always written, since college, but never (other than in the world of work) for an audience. I thought that the life I was leading, and my thoughts about it, wouldn't be just hot, but also interesting. I was taken by the idea for a number of reasons. Not least of all because I'm somewhat of an exhibitionist. Not in the creepy raincoat way, but in the compulsive self-disclosure way. Yet, also because I have a bit of the evangelist's enthusiasm for sharing my own good news. I spent years suffering in shameful, silent isolation, and as I emerged from that period, I discovered the joy of joyful, rather than driven, sex. And my marriage was strengthened too. It just felt right to add my experience to the universe as a tiny counterweight to the hegemonic drumbeat of those trumpeting the damaging, dishonest myths about marriage that dominate. There are other reasons. You can find them here.

Kinkly: What’s behind the name?

N Likes: It felt right. "Dissolute" has the virtue of being descriptive without being particularly judgmental. Merriam-Webster defines it as "lacking restraint; especially: marked by indulgence in things (as drink or promiscuous sex) deemed vices." This is an accurate description of me, and, in particular, of my relationship to sex and sexuality. From the start, I knew I didn't want to write just a sex blog. I wanted to write about sex, sure, but I also wanted to write about me. I think it's safe to say I have very few readers who are drawn to my blog primarily by my accounts of the sex I have with others. The truth is, a minority of my posts are about sexual encounters. When I write about sex, it's almost always (exceptions here) about sex with people other than my wife. And there honestly just isn't that much of it. Instead, I tend to write more about my life - the thoughts I have, the struggles I face, the lessons I learn, and the questions I can't answer (like: why are creep shots so bad? Or, what the fuck do I do about the fact that some reflexive sexual feelings are confusing - or even shameful?

My life is dissolute. There's no other way to characterize it. Hence, the name.

Kinkly: Who’s your target reader?

N Likes: I don't, for the most part, hit my target. My target is, probably, urban grad students and adult academics interested in sex and sexuality, and in talking, reading, writing about it, as well as people who think of themselves as "sex addicts" or who feel trapped in shameful relationship to sexuality. Sort of an "It Gets Better Project" for those who are "failing" at monogamy.

Also? Smart, sexy women who want to explore what it might be like to enter into a dance with me, who want to suck my cock, to come - or not come - for me, to dress as I direct, to explore what effects my words and my fingers, and tongue, and cock might have on them

Kinkly: What’s unique about your blog?

N Likes: A lot. More than anything, it's unique because I'm unique, and it's relentlessly, overwhelmingly personal. I don't think I'm special, or that any other blogger is less unique [sic, with a sly smile] than I am. But my level of self-disclosure, of raw honesty, is unique, I think. Others write far better than I do about sex, or politics, or sex toys. I haven't seen anyone write nearly as much, or as honestly, about the inside of her or his own head. This isn't a dis, or a grandiose claim. I simply haven't seen anyone even try in the sex blogosphere. (And if you know me to be wrong, please, please tell me. I'd love to read others laying themselves bare in similar ways.)

Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?

N Likes: The things I don't understand about myself. I find writing a tremendously useful way to think, and doing it in public is tremendously rewarding. There's simply no better way I've found to engage with the mysteries associated with being me, and the engagement and thoughts of my very smart, very engaged, very loyal, very small readership is incredibly helpful, and gratifying.