I’m not going to lie to you, I know that safer sex practices can sometimes seem like the least sexy thing ever. It can feel like they hold up the whole show and take sex from something steamy and fun to something clinical and, well, rubbery. It doesn’t have to be that way though! You can engage in safer sex practices and keep it fun and sexy. All it takes is a little preparation and a little know how. So let me give you the six steps you need to be a sexy safer sex superhero!

First, Get Educated

I hear so much about "Oh! I hate condoms!" or "Dental dams seem awkward!" or "Female condoms? Weird!" And you know who is usually saying this stuff? People who haven’t tried many things. I’ve already told you how I used to be guilty of the female condom prejudice myself. But guess what? Once I tried them, they totally rocked my safer sex world. That’s the thing; when you experiment you find the things that make the experience not just safe but pleasurable. There are so many options available to you. Condoms come in various sizes thicknesses and materials. (Fun fact: Many men who face erection issues with condoms are trying to wear ones that are too small - large condoms aren’t just for porn stars!) Both dental dams and condoms give you flavor options. There are tons of lubricants to choose from and you can mix and match to find your ideal pairing! Get educated as to what your options are. That's what'll help you find some that make sex both sexy and safe.


Know What You Like

Once you know what options exist it’s time to find the ones that will make up your sexual toolbox. Whether it’s the condom that you can barely feel, the lube that makes everything feel just that little bit nicer, or the dam that comes in a flavor you can’t wait to put your mouth on, get out there and find your favorites. Enlist a partner to help you hunt. Seriously, can you think of a more fun testing process?

Stock Up and Keep It Nearby

Once you have found what you like, make sure you have a ton of it on hand at all times. Build a safer sex arsenal. One of the biggest spoils to good intentions is lack of preparation, so always be prepared. I have put together my safety kit in this old school, kind of glam, make-up case. Check it: Regular condoms, female condoms, flavored condoms, dental dams, nitrile gloves and two kinds of lube - all at the ready. This kind of set-up saves you from frantic late-night runs to the pharmacy or (perhaps more likely) just saying "what the hell?!" and forgoing the safety measures altogether.




Talk, Talk ... and Then Talk Some More

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I think we need to talk more about our sex. I recently found this amazing website called beforeplay.org devoted entirely to the concept of talking openly before sex. LOVE this! Another favorite of mine comes from sex educator Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com. Reid’s Safer Sex Elevator Speech is an amazing tool for initiating the safer sex conversation. I love the Elevator Speech because it is quick and easy, allowing both partners to get on the same page and quickly get on their way to getting it on.


Find out what everyone is comfortable with, what everyone’s safety needs are and how you will meet them. Finally, do not argue about safety. There is nothing less sexy than that! If your partner wants more safety measures in place than you do go with that. Why? Because if you are right and the safety measures were unnecessary, well then, nothing happens. But if you are wrong, don’t use them and it turns out that you should have, well, you will have a problem on your hands. If you really don’t feel comfortable with the precautions a partner wants to take, you may want to consider alternate activities or exploring whether you and that partner should be playing together at all.

Keep It Sexy

Often we think of safer sex measures as something separate from our actual sex - a speed bump along the way, a barrier (literally) between us and our partners. It’s important to instead treat them as a part of your sexual play. Don’t let your sexual energy drop just because you need to put on a condom. Keep kissing, keep touching keep talking. Use it as a means of building sexy anticipation. (Read more in Steamy, Sizzling ... Safe? 6 Ways to Make Condoms Sexy.)


Have Fun!!

Oh my goodness! Enjoy yourselves people! Try ALL the condoms! (Try a sample pack.) Play with how you use that dental dam. Giggle with your partner as you both snap on some nitrile gloves (which are, in their own way, hot). Whatever you do, remember that sex is grown-up playtime and have some fun.

Need some more sexy inspiration? Check out our section on contraception.