Ask a vagina any question and the answer will always be "more." More attention, more gently, more quickly, more friction....more to the left...hmm...maybe a little more to the right. Yeah, there. More of that. The problem - at least from the man’s perspective - is that it takes more time. Time isn’t something that comes naturally for most guys.
For a woman, however, the importance of endurance cannot be overstated. A quickie serves its purpose, but what most women really fantasize about is an enduring love story with a beginning, middle, and happy ending. For both of you. (Really!)
It isn’t that an all-night sexathon doesn’t appeal to a man, it’s just that the first chapter is often so very exciting...that they tend to blow the ending and forget about the rest. It’s not their fault, really. Studies show that it takes women 10 to 20 minutes of stimulation to reach orgasm, while it only takes men two to three minutes after beginning intercourse. Consider it nature’s cruelest joke.
So, if pulling a boner’s the easy part (or so I hear), the hard part is maintaining altitude so you can party like a cockstar. Here are a few tips for maintaining your 6 (to 8) inches of heaven all night long.
Foreplay It Up
Let me state this as clearly as possible: Foreplay is not optional. (Sorry guys.) If you really want to do it right, you’re going to have to get started before you even get started. Or, more specifically, you’ll have to get her started before you get started. Let me break it down like this: If you want to go racing, you’ve got to start the engine. That isn’t easy. This is a delicate and discriminating machine. Sometimes, it needs to be coaxed into starting. It needs just the right fuel mixture and amount of lubrication. You have to press the start button with just the right amount of pressure. And, most importantly, you have to get this baby up to operating temperature before you mash the throttle.
Are you with me? Now, learning how to get the most out of a car takes what exactly? Practice. That means trial and error. Fortunately, women communicate far better than machines. And the practice ain’t half bad. Consider it a labor of love. (Get some great tips on great foreplay in Double the Fun! 5 Hot Tips on Self Touch for Two.)
Get Your Mind Off It
Sex isn’t just physical. Thinking about sex is also sexy. It can be very sexy. For men, it can be a little too sexy. Particularly when they’re having sex. So, part of taking control involves taking your mind off what you’re doing.
I’m told that every guy has his go-to technique for talking himself off that ledge. It could be shopping for furniture. Or cleaning the house. Or even that financial report you’ve been putting off at work. Unless you’re a furniture fetishist, clean freak, or spreadsheet junkie, this sort of thing should postpone the inevitable. This is not a complicated technique, but it means that in order to make a woman feel as good as possible, a guy’s gotta take one for the team. Women appreciate that kind of chivalry. And, yes, it works to some extent, but most guys will tell you they'd have to be robots to keep this up long enough.
Some sex positions feel way too good, so another way to last longer is to choose one that’s less stimulating. It’s as simple as that. Why would you choose a position that doesn’t push your buttons? Because you can. And let’s face it, any sex position is a good sex position. So ditch the tried-and-true missionary and opt for something that gives you more control. Many experts recommend the spoon. If you stimulate her clitoris with your hands, this position can really help you both get on the same track to orgasmville. Easier said than done, but it can mean more pleasure for both of you - not to mention the Holy Grail of intercourse: simultaneous orgasm.
Stopping (a Lot)
If all else fails, there’s this: If it feels good, stop. Then, wait until that good feeling goes way before starting up again. Kinda sucks, doesn’t it? Sometimes, when other options fail, this is the last resort. This is your safety chute. (Don’t pull it until you need it, because it might not work again.)
To be fair, experts say this technique can help improve sexual endurance over time. Men can even practice it on their own. Your lady friend probably isn’t going to be a huge fan of it though, and neither are you. Plus, not doing is not the point of doing it.
How the Pros Do It
If you’ve ever watched pornography (and I know you have), there’s one thing that really stands out ... or up. Up to doggy style. And the plow. And anal sex. And that weird upside down thing ... Up to multiple partners and multiple orgasms. There may even be some squirting involved.
OK. So, pornography isn’t exactly sex education. For anyone. However, it is a study in endurance. How do they do it? We don’t know all the porn star trade secrets, but we do know this: They have help. If you want to hit five home runs in a night, it’s not going to happen just because you want it to. That means a lot of porn stars rely on drugs for erectile dysfunction. They masturbate before the shoot. And they use many of the techniques in this article. There are even some legitimate products designed for games that go into overtime. Translation: They make sex last longer. A lot longer.
We’re not talking about some weird Mexican horse testosterone extract. One very common, simple and safe option is a desensitizing agent for the penis. You’ll find these in any sex shop, but some work much better than others. One, Promescent, is even approved by the FDA to delay the onset of ejaculation. It’s sprayed beneath the head of the penis before sex, and away you go. According to its manufacturers, it reduces sensation just enough to slow down ejaculation, while maintaining pleasure until you (and your lady love) get to the finish line. It also absorbs completely, so there’s no need to wear a condom to protect your partner. The company probably wouldn't put it this way, but what I'm saying is that Promescent affects only the gander, which means he can get to work keeping the goose honking all night long.
Make Love Longer
Having sex is easy. Having great sex often takes a little engineering, because let’s face it, most women aren’t that easy to please. And while men like to carry a swagger about how much they love sex, in my experience, what many of them are really into is sending a woman into throes of orgasmic ecstasy. Nothing less will do. And that, my friends, is not something that happens within three minutes.
The good news is that while nature is not on a man's side here, science is. So why not use it to party harder and longer than anyone else? Pleasing a woman, really pleasing her, takes time. But the payoff is that you get to pop the cork on that bottle of champagne like a real cockstar. And when that happens, you’ll both be in the mood to celebrate.
The gap between male and female arousal is often a major barrier to mutually pleasurable sex. This article is sponsored by Promescent, the maker of the only FDA-approved product designed to make love last longer.