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10 Ways to Prioritize Sexual Intimacy on a Busy Vacation

Published: APRIL 26, 2022 | Updated: JULY 21, 2022 10:01:02
Presented by DEIA
Making sex a priority ensures it gets checked off your vacation to-do list.

We all know vacations can be amazing. Not only do you get away from the day-in, day-out feeling of everyday life, but you usually get to explore new surroundings, amazing new food, and new activities. Every moment of a vacation can be an entirely new reason to feel alive and feel your passion for life. You get to skip out on work - and do pretty much whatever you want. That freedom can be intoxicating - and it calls to most of us on a regular basis.

Yet, when you're busy from 8:00 am until midnight with every day full of awesome new activities, it can feel hard to fit in sex. In fact, you may feel like you're missing that sensual connection with your partner when you're arguing over what to eat for dinner or who was supposed to pack the towels. Plus, some of us (myself included!), tend to get more easily agitated and grumpy when we aren't having regular sex. Grumpy partners don't make for fun vacation memories.

So, how do you go about finding the time to have sex during a busy vacation? How do you make it feel like fun - instead of feeling like sex is causing you to miss out on other activities?

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While these tips may not be the be-all, end-all of vacation ideas, they will give you a sense of how to make sex fit into your next vacation. Think about them, talk it over with your partner and give them a try. If all goes well, you'll arrive home rested, relaxed and satisfied (both emotionally and sexually).


Talk to Your Partner Ahead of Time

It's so simple - but so important. Have you talked to your partner about what your ideal sex life looks like on vacation?

For my partner and I, we're on entirely different planets. He goes on vacation to get drunk, stuff himself full of so much good food he doesn't want to move, and then barely find the willpower to toss himself into bed. I consider vacations to be the perfect time for tons of extra sex now that all of our everyday tasks are out of the picture.

As you can imagine, our first couple of vacations didn't go so well - and that's part of why I'm here, writing this article. Since neither of us had talked about what we wanted out of vacation, I was extremely hurt when we weren't having sex - and he was frustrated that I kept interrupting his relaxation by constantly trying to have sex.

So, my first tip? Simply talk to your partner ahead of time. Discuss what you both prioritize on vacation - and what feels most relaxing to each of you. What do you need to recharge your mental battery on this vacation? Most importantly, what does your partner need from you in order to recharge their battery - and is it something that you both can compromise on so that it doesn't impact your trip?

Depending on where both of your needs lie, this might entail discussing a separate weekend before (or after) your "vacation" where one of the partners focuses on meeting the sexual (or non-sexual) needs of the other partner. For example, if the idea of missing out on a luscious evening dinner at a new restaurant in order to have the energy for sex later is causing one person grief, you might compromise by intentionally trying new restaurants at home the week before vacation to ensure this partner feels more comfortable giving up a few fancy dinners over the course of the trip.

Read: Sex Communication 101

Schedule a Sexual Evening Date

If you don't schedule in your sex-focused, evening date, you might find that your other scheduling plans just leave you with no free evenings for focusing on the two of you. Instead, give your intimate, reconnecting evening the same attention you give the downtown walking tour: pencil it in on your calendar.

Consider a simple, light dinner, with extra time afterwards to slip into the bed to hold one another and see what happens.

Scheduling out such a large portion of time to just relax, enjoy each other's company, and possibly have sex can provide the downtime that your brains need to enjoy a fulfilling sexual experience.

If you choose this path, consider a night in the middle of your vacation to enjoy a break from all the action before and after your scheduled evening.

Deia Hot and ColdThe Deia Hot and Cold can help you keep your cool...or really heat things up!


Bring Along New Items You're Excited to Try

If you're looking for a good way to encourage the two of you to set out some together time, consider bringing along some new items you've been dying to try. Whether that's a physical item or a print-out of a new sex position you want to try, having a regular reminder of something "new" you can do might encourage the two of you to put off lunch for another hour.

This could be a great time to try something new - like temperature play. The Deia Hot and Cold puts temperature play right into the palm of your hands with its heating and cooling functionality. If the idea of heat (and chill!) on demand has been something you've been thinking about for awhile now, consider giving that a try on vacation. Not only do you get some fond memories of the first time you tried the toy (now mentally attached to the toy for its lifespan!), but you get pleasure out of the bargain too. It's a win-win!

Try to put this item in as obvious of a place in your room as possible for regular visual reminders about the new item - and your sex life.

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After all, vacations are about trying new things, right?

(One caveat: avoid messing with new lubes or safer sex options while on vacation. While playing with new sensations is fun, finding out you're allergic to an ingredient within a new lube is not so fun. Keep the new lubes, condoms, and dental dams for at home experimentation!)

Read: 5 Fabulous Ways to Experiment with Temperature Play

Put Sex on the Schedule

Maybe you don't have a full evening to devote to sex. Maybe you have kids or took this trip with friends, and an hour or two is all you're going to get. Whatever the reason, if you don't want to schedule an entire evening, you can always schedule a couple of hours for you and your partner to explore your sexual intimacy.

Still, even with a tight schedule, try to schedule more time than you need. If you're planning on a 15 minute quickie, only scheduling 15 minutes implies you both will be aroused and ready when the time hits. That's just not going to be reality for most people. Give yourself more time than you need to account for getting in the mood - and any foreplay you want to enjoy.

If you're really unable to carve out more than 15 or 30 minutes, try to ensure you both are in the mood for sex when the clock hits by sexting and teasing one another ahead of time. Pulling in a sex toy like the Deia Arouser can also be helpful; with limited time, you'll want to pull out all of your sexual tools to ensure both people come away satisfied.

Deia ArouserThe Deia Arouser takes your quickies to the next level

Take One More Day for Sex

While this isn't financially feasible for everyone, have you considered extending your trip by a day? Both of you can agree that this additional day will be entirely sex-focused.

Knowing you've already had an entire day of vacation sex - or plan for it at the end of the trip - can allow you both to let go of the "not having sex" guilt during the rest of the trip.

If it isn't financially feasible to extend your vacation, consider taking this advice and putting it into practice on a weekend when you're back in everyday life. Before or after your vacation, spend a weekend intentionally focusing on one another, enjoying lots of sex, and putting other obligations to the side. As an additional bonus, this can be a great way to reconnect after the stress of travel.


Set a Reasonable Bed or Wake-Up Time

When do the two of you like to have sex? If you're like many couples with children, first thing in the morning or the last thing at night might be your best, and most private, options.

You can keep that same mindset on vacation as well. It's just easiest to carve out the private time you need for intimacy when you're already in bed together - and haven't started the excitement of the day's events.

The key to making this work is to set a bedtime to ensure that happens - and protecting that bedtime as best as possible. Build in an extra hour or two to give you space to let intimacy happen - whether that's in the morning or at night.

Plus, nobody wants sleeping to be a stressful, "scheduled" activity. Give your body the time it needs to feel fully rested!


Do Things That Feel Sexual to You

Feeling sexy and "going on vacation" don't have to be mutually exclusive. In fact, lots of common "vacation" activities can actually be fantastic date night ideas - and can bring your connection (and arousal!) to the forefront of your mind.

So, what feels sexy and connective to you? Is it getting dressed up for a fancy dinner? Is it trying something new together? Is it going on a sunset cruise? What about experiencing a new wine or beer together as you wind down the day?

Whatever it is, try to fit it into your vacation. You can bring formal clothes to go out to dinner ata brand-new restaurant. You can try skydiving, pottery painting, scuba diving, Segway tours and more together. You can rent a DVD and get delivery from that local place everyone raves about. You can book a spot on a local sunset cruise - or enjoy dinner at a restaurant with amazing sunset views. You can visit a local brewery or winery - and take some home to enjoy later.

Doing things you both love - that happen to feel connective and slightly arousing - can help you both stay rejuvenated on vacation, and it'll keep your relationship - and your sexual relationship - closer to the front of both of your minds.

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Read: 8 Tips to Make Making Out Sizzling Hot


Scope Out Your Living Space

Part of the enjoyment of staying in a new place is the excitement of, well, staying in a new place! Don't let this escape you as a potential form of foreplay.

Does your place have a sturdy, large table that would be good for sex? Well, your vacation hotel might! Does your hotel have a bed of a different height? Well, this might be a good time to try a new type of standing sex position! What about the couch? The kitchen counters? Maybe your hotel even has a spacious shower or dual shower heads as the perfect place to bring your Deia sex toy?

Whatever the case, scoping the place out with a sexual mindset will help the two of you be more excited for sexual activity - and more likely to carve out a bit of time to enjoy each other.

Just be careful of safety considerations - not all furniture is designed to hold up the body weight of two people. Make sure you locate the cleaning supplies to tidy up afterwards - and leave furniture and your vacation home in the same condition as when you arrived.

Deia WearableThe Deia Wearable offers hands free fun!

Find a Sex Toy Store

If you're going to a larger city, there's no reason you can't scope out a local sex toy store. Most larger cities have one (or more!) sex toy stores to visit. If you've never been in a sex-positive store, try to find one of those - you'll be in for a huge treat!

While you're at the sex toy store, check out new toys that you may not otherwise have access too. Couple's vibrators, like the Deia Wearable, can be one of those types of toys. A U-shaped toy, the Deia Wearable is designed to be worn, hands-free, during penis-in-vagina intercourse. One end of the vibe slips into the vagina alongside the penis while the other end stays outside of the body for clitoral vibrations.

Whether you take a new toy home or simply get your imagination moving with the idea of the fun you could have with new toys, shopping together can be a fun and sexy way to enjoy a new city.


Look for a BDSM Club

Are you of the kinky variety? A lot of BDSM groups offer out-of-towner clauses for entrance into their play parties - especially if you're active in your local kink group back home. Some groups may ask for a recommendation from your current group's leadership, and others may just allow out-of-towners to access to their play parties as long as they agree to show up early for a little chat before the event begins.

If you like the idea of spending an evening at a new club, finding the local BDSM scene might be a great choice. Just remember to bring some toys to play with - or plan on a minimal-equipment scene if you want to play!

(For best results, I recommend looking up BDSM clubs and playspaces in your vacation area ahead of time - and figuring out their policies to attend. The volunteer leadership of most kink groups are not known for fast responses, so reaching out and getting permission to attend before you're already swamped during vacation is much more likely to lead to success.)

Read: An Insider's Look at BDSM Dungeons


Don't Forget Self-Care

Vacations can be a whirlwind of new activities, experiences, and, put simply, demands on your brain and body.

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This makes self-care more important on vacation - not less.

It's easy to think of an entire vacation as "self-care", but it's important to note that most vacations actually toss our routine self-care practices out the window by interrupting our daily schedule - and interrupting our habit cues.

When's the last time you had a nourishing meal? Do you need to take a day off the alcohol? Have you been accidentally forgetting to take your meds and it's messing with your mental space? When is the last time you moved your body in a way that felt pleasurable? What about a full night's sleep?

During a busy vacation, it can be easy to keep dumping new experiences, foods, and places onto your plate - without keeping up the supportive habits that make your day-to-day life enjoyable. If your body is suffering, you won't be in the mood for intimacy - so don't forget to take care of it - even if "taking care of it" requires doing some boring, everyday things like eating a veggie-filled dinner instead of the beckoning pile of delicious food or "wasting time" by walking to your tourist trap instead of driving.


Bonus: Don't Over-Schedule Yourself

It can be hard to feel sexual intimacy (even at home!) if you're constantly scurrying around to hit every item on your to-do list. Most people's brains have a hard time kicking back into "Let's enjoy ourselves!" when there are still six more things on the docket for the day.

When you're going on vacation, attempt to limit the temptation to see everything there is to see.

Yes, you could argue that you can always have sex when you get back home - but you can't see these wonderful things when you're back home. But, if you're reading this article, it's clear that maintaining your sexual connection while you're on a trip is important to you.

If you're someone who feels much more comfortable scheduling every minute of every day, there's a simple solution for you: schedule in a time for the two of you to have sex.

Most importantly, try to prioritize what will make you both happiest while taking everyone's needs into account? Will that be seeing a museum - or enjoying glasses of wine on your hotel balcony? Will that be getting take-out and getting naked - or trying skydiving in a new place?

As with everything in life, it's always about making choices, prioritizing for what's best for the both of you, (now that you've had an open conversation and put it all on the table!), avoiding over-scheduling, and making sure you both make space for relaxation, connection, fun, and a bit of sexual connection on your vacation.

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Photo for Mistress Kay
Mistress Kay

Mistress Kay has a fondness for all things sexual. With a house that's quickly running out of room for all of her reading and vibrating pleasures, she spends her free time reading, writing, and learning about the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World.