If you've been hanging around Kinkly for more than a few minutes, you've probably seen some articles packed full of information about BDSM. And this might have opened your eyes to the world of kink—maybe you never knew that was really an option you could explore!
Going from "Huh. This actually sounds kinda hot..." to figuring out how to add kink into your own sex life can be a bit of a challenge, though. Especially when some of the activities seem so difficult—what's the best way to dip your toes into the sensations kink can provide?
The world of kink can be intimidating for first-timers. But there are tons of beginner-friendly tools out there to make your exploration as easy and pleasurable as possible.
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That's what I'm here to help with. By showcasing some of the simplest and easiest kink gear to use, and providing examples of how to seamlessly add it to your sex life, I'm here to make that first step into BDSM easier than ever. Extremely inexpensive and easy to get a hold of (just head to the personal care aisle at your grocery store!), blindfolds help restrict sight—and offer new sensations you might not be used to.
And don't worry! I know a lot people explore kink long before they end up in a relationship. (Some sex experts even recommend doing it that way!) Exploring solo means you can dedicate all the time in the world to processing the new feelings and sensations that arise out of everything you're trying—and that can make for a happier brain. So, I'll be specifically mentioning how to give these things a try when you're solo as well. Kinky sex isn't just for couples!
Before you start, consider reading up on some BDSM safety tips. BDSM carries some risk, so it's best to go in prepared.
Let's dive into nine awesome (and easy) ways to explore kink:
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How to Use Them Solo
Next time you plan to masturbate, set out all of your necessary items beforehand—then slide a blindfold onto your face. Experience getting lost in the sensations without your sense of sight.
It's simple but very effective!
How to Use Them With a Partner
Have two blindfolds? I recommend getting a bit creative. Next time you get intimate with your partner, both of you slip on a blindfold beforehand. With both of you wearing blindfolds, you'll be even more attuned to your partner's erotic sounds the erotic sounds of your partner—and how they feel underneath your fingers. Just make sure to set out all of your favorite sex toys ahead of time for easy access!
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Your bondage options don't have to be complicated!
You can start your journey into kink with a simple pair of velcro cuffs. The velcro helps reassure you that you can escape if you need to—while simultaneously being easy to use. If you get a widely adjustable set of kinky restraints, you can easily use it for the wrists or ankles too!
READ: 8 Awesome Sex Positions That Are Waaaay Better With Bondage Tape
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How to Use Them Solo
Restricting your wrists can make it hard to enjoy yourself while solo—and it can honestly be hard to bind your wrists by yourself in the first place!
So instead, use your cuffs to restrain your ankles together. Not only do you retain the ability to use your hands—but you still get the erotic feel of bondage and you can easily undo your ankle restraints if anything comes up.
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How to Use Them With a Partner
For the perfect slow start into bondage, use one cuff around the bound person's wrist and fasten the other side of the cuff to a nearby cylindrical bondage point—like the foot of the bed or a bed post. With this strategy, the restrained person retains some freedom with their free hand (which can be reassuring when you're first starting!) while still exploring the new sensations of bondage.
It's a win-win! There are lots of impact play toys, designed for spanking, out there—but the easiest style to use is a paddle.
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Requiring the least amount of practiced skill and easy to use on yourself, a paddle can offer a variety of sensations depending on its design. Plus, simply using the paddle can offer a jolt of arousal; having a toy that's designed just for spanking can feel hot all on its own!
READ: Safe, Sexy Spanking Tips for Two
The Sportsheets Enchanted Heart Paddle.
How to Use Them Solo
A paddle can be as complicated—or as simple—as you want it to be. If spanking fantasies run rampant in your brain, get into the position you imagine in your fantasy scenario and try spanking yourself on the ass. While it may feel silly at first, forcing yourself to count out loud—and thank your fantasy top—for each spank can help make everything feel more realistic.
How to Use Them With a Partner
Ahead of playtime, agree on something the "wants-to-be-spanked" partner will do "wrong." Whenever you're ready, have them "misbehave"—and now the "giving-a-spanking" partner has the perfect excuse to bring out that paddle.
For maximum kink, have the to-be-spanked partner pull down their pants to expose their underwear—and make them brace near their poorly-completed chore for the spanking (for example, bracing against the countertop after loading the dishwasher poorly). Popular in the world of kink, a collar can showcase "ownership"—or it can simply be used for bondage. For some people, the simple act of wearing a collar can bring on arousal and kinky feelings. They're simple, yet powerful, pieces of kink equipment! Fasten a collar around your neck and tie the leash to a nearby bondage point. For people who masturbate in bed, that might be the foot of a bedside end table or the corner of your bed frame. Now, as you enjoy masturbation, try light tugs and a bit of resistance against the collar; being fully unable to move your head exactly where you want can be a very different sensation! Collars and leashes lend themselves so well to leading and following. Have one person wear the collar while the other partner takes hold of the leash. To further enforce the power dynamic, the collar-wearing partner may be wearing lingerie—or next to nothing—while the leash-holder can stay fully dressed. Now, the leash holder should lead the collar-wearing partner around the house asking them to do various tasks. Even simple tasks like "bend over and pick up that piece of fuzz" offers a lot of room for compliments (and hot visuals)! READ: Dirty Talk 101: The Art of Using Your Words A massage candle looks like your average candle—but its wax harbors a secret: As it burns, it melts into a luscious, skin-friendly pool of massage oil. That way, you get the kink experience of pouring candle wax with the luxurious experience of warmed massage oil. Think about it like the beginner-friendly version of wax play. It's a win-win! Not enough attention is given to the amazing power of self-massage! READ: 8 Tips to Step Up Your Self-Love Sessions While naked (I can't promise massage candle oil won't stain your clothes if you massage yourself otherwise!), light the candle and use your bare hands to explore your body. Once the pool of massage oil has started to amass, hold it far up above your bare thigh (at least a foot to start) and give it a pour. Then, put the candle back down and massage the oil into your skin. As you get familiar with the process, consider trying it on the chest or stomach. (If you choose to masturbate afterwards, make sure to wash off the oil before sliding anything into the vagina—if you have one!) For a low-pressure introduction to massage candles, I recommend burning one next time the two of you are relaxed and enjoying a semi-erotic TV show or movie together (you know the ones.) Lay a thick blanket over your couch to protect it and have one person lay down on the couch. Drizzle the oil onto the receiver's bare back and massage them while the two of you are absorbed in your TV program. As you get more familiar with massage candles, you might consider trying this while someone sits up for better TV viewing. You've probably seen (or heard of!) nipple clamps before: These slender, grippy clamps grab onto the nipples to provide constant stimulation. While they can be painful at first (especially if the pair you pick isn't adjustable), a lot of wearers fall in love with the enhanced sensitivity nipple clamps provide as soon as they're removed. As the blood rushes back in, the nipples become extremely sensitive! READ: A Beginner’s Guide to Nipple Play Next time you're doing chores and feeling a bit frisky, consider clipping on nipple clamps before you start. The chores can help distract you from the initial intense sensations while simultaneously making your chores a bit more exciting. Fifteen to 20 minutes later, when you unclamp your nipples, you'll be left with extra-sensitive skin that's perfect for delving into masturbation. One of the coolest things about nipple clamps is that they provide sensation without either of you needing to lift an extra finger. Next time you're about to enjoy intercourse, clamp one partner's nipples—and enjoy the added sensation that goes alongside all of your other orgasmic waves. READ: 5 Steps for Choosing Nipple Clamps Sex furniture?! Well, that doesn't sound very beginner-friendly, right?! But, in fact, there are entire lines of beginner-friendly sex furniture pieces. Designed to bridge the gap between finding better angles for pleasure and having somewhere for bondage at the same time, sex furniture can be a great way to start exploring kink—and getting better sex positions. Get a simple piece of sex furniture, like the Liberator Black Label Wedge, to experience sensations two-fold. Even while playing solo, having the hips propped up and "on display" can feel pretty kinky all on its own. Pair that with the bondage cuffs the Black Label Wedge comes with, for your ankles or wrists, and you have a surprisingly kinky piece of furniture—even during masturbation! (If you're into penetration, this tilting of the hips can also make it easier to hit the g-spot and p-spot. You're welcome!) READ: Quiz: What's the G-Spot or P-Spot Toy You NEED to Have? Giving oral sex (or rimming) isn't too outside of what's normal for you, right? If not, have you considered something like the Queening Chair? This piece of sex furniture allows someone to receive oral sex or rimming really comfortably. Just using the chair will feel kinky! But if you want to take it up a notch, the Queening Chair comes with multiple bondage points to add a bit of extra fun. (Prefer something smaller? The Liberator Black Label Wedge can also be used for queening-style oral sex fun as shown below.) Are you attracted to kink because of an interest in pain? If so, let me introduce you to vampire gloves. These gloves are probably the simplest kink toy you'll ever use. Just slide them onto the hand like a regular glove—and the spikes will protrude from your palm. This sets you up perfectly for pain play (or not painful sensation play!). Just be aware you can draw blood with really rough use. Using one glove from the set can help ensure you keep the spikes where you want them. Slip on a Vampire Glove and enjoy the sensation of running it along your bare skin. Consider some light spankings on your butt—and if you're really adventurous, try gentle pats or gripping of the genitals. Start light and increase intensity as you desire more! If you're wearing the gloves, make sure you try them on your own bare thigh or forearm first to get a good idea of how much pressure you need to create sensation. Once you know, blindfold your partner and have them strip naked. Gently drag the Vampire Gloves, using various pressure intensities, across their body to create really unique sensations. Alternate with kisses—or leave one hand outside of the Vampire Gloves to alternate with good, sensual touch. READ: Mastering the Sensual Basics. I generally don't consider mouth gags to be a beginner-friendly kink item because types of play that restrict breathing come with risks. After you've already been enjoying yourself for a bit, slip a breathable gag into your mouth and lightly fasten it behind your head. I recommend keeping it loose and minimizing heavy activity while wearing it. While wearing the gag, try speaking some of your favorite dirty talk phrases out loud; simply hearing your words turned into mumbled jibberish can be an additional erotic layer! Find a short erotic story (Kinkly's erotica to the rescue!) or have the gag-wearing partner write some of their own. Next time you're both starting to sink into foreplay, place the breathable gag on the wearer's head and ask them to read the erotica you've selected. If they're into humiliation, feel free to gently, verbally, poke and prod at them for their inability to speak—why, you just can't understand a thing! READ: I Added Dirty Talk to the Bedroom - Here’s What Happened See? There are tons of different ways to start exploring the world of kink; you just have to give it a try for the first time! READ: The Shy Person’s Guide to Talking About Sex
The Sportsheets Leather Leash and Collar.How to Use Them Solo
How to Use Them With a Partner
The Kama Sutra Ignite Massage Candle.How to Use Them Solo
How to Use Them With a Partner
The Sportsheets Chained Nipple Clamps.How to Use Them Solo
How to Use Them With a Partner
The Liberator Black Label Wedge.How to Use It Solo
How to Use It With a Partner
How to Use Them Solo
How to Use Them With a Partner
However, mouth gags are popular kinky toy options—especially as a hot visual—or simply as a way to restrict your own speech and really feel bound.
That's why I'm going to recommend a breathable ball gag like the ZALO Rose (with the rose removed). The mouth gag's wide-open design makes it much easier to breathe while simultaneously providing the mouth-gag sensation many people know and love.
The ZALO Rose Ball Gag.How to Use Them Solo
How to Use Them With a Partner
No matter what you choose to start with—whether it's new sex positions, chastity cages, strapless strap-on dildos, electrosex, or anything else—start slow, stay slow, and go at a snail's pace. Not only does this give you an excuse to "stop and smell the roses" and really experience the sensations for what they are, but it also reduces the likelihood you'll get hurt—or the likelihood that you'll have a misunderstanding with your partner.
Find what seems fun, start soft and slow and explore from there! When in doubt, feel free to type a search into Kinkly and see what resources are out there to introduce you to your new form of kink.
And most importantly: have fun!
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Mistress Kay
Mistress Kay has a fondness for all things sexual. With a house that's quickly running out of room for all of her reading and vibrating pleasures, she spends her free time reading, writing, and learning about the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World.
