Remember, when you reached a certain age growing up, finally getting permission to do something you'd been waiting so long for—like ride on the big kid's roller coaster?
You were excited but nervous as you approached that huge coaster in the amusement park. You ran straight for it, forgetting about anything else around you, eye on the prize. Nothing else mattered at that moment—it was you and the ride.
However, just as you turned around to scream to your mom that you made it, you tumbled backwards over a child’s stroller, somersaulting onto the asphalt and hitting your head.
When you woke up and looked around you were in a hospital bed—no roller coaster in sight.
This exact scenario may not have happened to you. I, however, was that little girl—hence it is a vivid memory I won't ever forget. Had I slowed down, waited for my mom and not been so quick to ignore her, I might have gotten to the prize safely and that day would have turned out different.
The swing lifestyle is very much like my first time at an amusement park: It’s exciting; it's new and it might be something you've been curious about but felt your stomach turn with excitement and nerves whenever the opportunity presented itself to you.
READ: Are You Ready for the Swinger Lifestyle?
Second guessing your decision to attend a swingers event and considering backing out is completely normal; I sometimes get up to five calls a day from a new couple attending my event who is overthinking, analyzing everything and making themselves sick over it. On the other hand, I've encountered newbies who cannot believe this day has finally come and, with no preparation or knowledge, dive in headfirst and forget to ask if condoms are provided.
Whatever camp you fall into, you could likely use some guidance around attending your first swinger party. After all, there's so much to consider:
Think on these variables for even 60 seconds; and I bet your emotions will go from "gearing up for your first roller coaster ride" to "child getting a tetanus shot."
READ: Confessions of a Cuckquean: It Isn't Always Rainbows and Unicorns.
I have been in the swing lifestyle as a single, in a couple and have owned a lifestyle community for the past 15 years. So, I can share what I have seen and experienced to offer the guidance you need.
However, it's important to remember not every swing club has the same rules or restrictions—and a lot depends on factors such as the county the venue is located in, the type of property it operates in and whether the swing club travels.
With that said, here are my answers to the questions you likely have on your mind about attending a swinger party:
Almost everything.
It is 100% fine to ask about the rules are and what is provided. Even if you've been in the lifestyle for 10 years, you could be attending a new venue where things are completely different. I have walked into some of the most well-known clubs to find out they don't even provide sheets, towels or condoms—and I did not bring any with me.
It is a very good idea to have a play bag in your vehicle, or on your person, with these basic necessities:
Some swing clubs provide lockers; some do not. Ask the hosts if lockers are provided and whether locks are included (or if you can rent one).
No matter how secure you feel the swing club is, I recommend refraining from bringing valuables to a swinger party. If you are attending a play-on-premise event, you more than likely paid in advance—so take everything out of your wallet except the bare minimum (like your licence, credit card and some cash for tipping the bartender).
Swinger parties sometimes have themes. Ask about this in advance and, if there is, confirm whether you're obligated to dress according to it. I have seen hosts turn couples away who were dressed very nicely—but not in theme.
And, whether or not there's a theme, double-check with the hosts if the event has a dress code—such as no sandals, sneakers or hats.
READ: Everything You Need to Know About Your First BDSM Play Party.
Most clubs have similar policies regarding cell phone use on-premises.
Some clubs require phones to be left in your car or locked in a locker. However, typically, you cannot bring a phone into the playroom under any circumstances—even if everyone is consenting to photographs or video. That's because, when alcohol is involved, sometimes not everyone is thinking clear.
There are clubs that will make the exception to this—like in the case of parents who need their phones to check in with a babysitter. However, if you do need to take a call, it's important to do so outside or away from others.
In most cases, yes. However, whether you buy it there or bring your own will depend where you are, the laws in your area and the type of event you're going to (like whether it's a play-on-premise event or a bar meet-and-greet).
Most lifestyle clubs are a BYOB and most provide mixers, however you're going to want to clarify which mixers they have. If you only drink tonic and they only have soda water, you might be in a jam—so it doesn't hurt to ask or bring your own.
Another thing you want to ask is whether you're allowed to take your alcohol home with you at the end of the night if you do not finish it. Some clubs let you do that, while others enforce that any unconsumed alcohol must be left behind.
Now, let's talk about alcohol consumption.
It is completely understandable to be nervous about attending your first swinger function—and a drink or two can help take the edge off. However, overindulging is never a good idea at a Lifestyle event. Becoming too intoxicated can play a role in the decisions you make and impact your ability to consent, so be aware of your drinking and pace yourself.
I've heard the worst excuses for why protection was not used during play: "My condoms were in my locker," "The club did not have barriers available," "It is a clothing-optional resort; I had no place to put my condom."
If you are mature enough to be part of the swing lifestyle, you should be mature enough to know the importance of using protection. Some people with penises will keep condoms in their socks or wear them around their neck—there are always steps you can take to keep yourself and your partners safe.
READ: Group Sex Etiquette 101.
I have attended clubs where staff monitor the playrooms and are constantly changing the bedding and providing new towels, condoms and lube.
I have also seen the complete opposite; I've been at clubs where one sheet is left on the bed, there's no hand soap in the bathrooms and nothing to dry your hands on except an old bath towel—crusty, hard and practically stuck to the rack.
That's all to say: Be mindful. Pack personal hygiene necessities in your play bag and, if needed, take it into the restroom with you.
At the most basic level, safety at a swingers party is just like safety at any bar or night club: Never leave your drinks unattended or take headache medicine from someone you don't know.
Luckily, I have never had any bad experiences at my venue, or at one I attended as a guest But that doesn't mean you should let your guard down—you never know when there might be a bad seed in the crowd and you need to remain aware of your surroundings.
Just like all new experiences in life, when attending your first swingers party, take your time, enjoy the experience and make smart decisions.
Enter slowly, keep all lines of communication open with your significant other (if you have one) and remember why you are here in the first place: to feel like that little kid running up to your first roller coaster.
'Til next time,
Coralyn Jewel
From International best-selling author, adult performer, podcaster, swing club owner, sexologist, lifestyle coach, motivational speaker and sex advocate, Coralyn Jewel is on a mission to break the misconceptions and judgment regarding adult performers and alternative lifestyles, as well as help others embrace their sexuality.
For booking, interviews or coaching visit Coralyn Jewel at Www.coralynjewel.com
