New year, new sex? We're experiencing a great movement toward making sex an understandable and relatable topic that anyone can join. There's still a long way to go to shed our many cultural hang-ups. Yet, we do seem to be moving in the right direction, both at home and as a society. Could incorporating discussions of kink and fetish be the next, logical progression? This week's Sex Stories We Love looks at differing states of kink and fetish and where they stand both in and out of our homes.
In this week's Sex Stories We Love, we're talking about kink, fetish, and where they stand both in and out of the home.
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There are so many different flavors to our sexual desires, both collectively and individually. It is too easy to say that "recent" times created a spike in kinky interests. Really, kinky sex has always existed. People have always shown sexual interests outside the mainstream depictions of sex. Are we ready, individually and collectively, to embrace kink and fetishistic desires to help lead a socioeconomic and possibility political revolution? Marcus K. Dowling offers some compelling reasons why the sexual entertainment marketplace could be on the cusp of taking over mainstream medias as more traditional outlets continue to falter and fail. Are we really standing on a precipice of a massive shift in social acceptance of kink or is it just comforting to know that sexual content will always be there as a fail-safe when other social media comes and goes? If kink and fetish does ever make a significant move to mainstream regularity, the first key movements must be homegrown, grassroots conversations. Like, literally, happening at your home ... perhaps while sitting or standing in your yard. Being able to take kink mainstream is wholly dependent on people first being able to discuss kinky and fetish desires with their partners in a meaningful way. We've made great strides in being able to talk about sex with our partners. Yet, there's still a long way to go. Taking the leap to talk about your kink and fetish fantasies with your lover is a big step many find difficult. There is a lot of shame and stigma attached to wanting sex that doesn't fit into the mainstream box. Busting away from these will be great, but we're still involved in the process. These tips can be quite helpful. Do you ever feel the call of the great outdoors? Perhaps you just see the great outdoors through an open window while you're getting busy. Exhibitionism is one of the most common sexual kinks. It is, quite possibly, one of the longest held sexual preferences in existence. People have enjoyed sex outside practically forever. Adding the potential of being seen has long been enjoyed. Often, it is a gateway activity to introducing other kinky activities to your roster. Exhibitionism can be a tremendous thrill...but do remember to keep others in mind. As we understand more and more about consent, those who choose to fuck in public must remember that the people around you haven't consented to enjoying this activity with you. It is a fine balance to find the right time and place. Maybe it is time for public cruising spaces designated and designed for acceptable public sex.
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While having sex in public might be one of the longest-running kink activities, viewing sex in public (with a modern twist) is a whole new situation. Sure, peeping Toms have always existed. Yet, sex is now completely portable. Viewing it as as easy as taking your smartphone out and finding a wi-fi signal. Watching readily available porn in public is still something society must grapple with. No doubt, sitting on a crowded, public bus watching porn would fall into areas of issues related to consent. Will there ever be a time when folks will be fine with this type of public viewing of porn? Another aspect of public and personal kink and fetish desire that's always been a challenge is that of outward physical appearance...and some people's unending attraction to that appearance. Fetishizing certain ethnic and physical appearances is a longstanding tradition in both mainstream and kink worlds. Some people are completely, and sometimes singularly, attracted to folks of a specific race. On a base level, there's nothing wrong with this. Yet, the base is usually so far removed from reality that many other problems arise. Women with Chinese, Japanese, Korean, and Vietnamese heritage are often stereotyped in two ways: either the delicate and shy submissive woman or the domineering "dragon lady." Mainstream and kink media have long played off these representations. Now these Dominatrices are both using and pushing back against such depictions. And, good for them to earn money while educating and making change. Finally, one of the most popular figures in Western pop culture isn't as innocent as some believe. All that naughty list, lap sitting, watching you all the time perviness made Santa an unlikely fetish idol. With so much sexual innuendo floating around his depiction, it really is too bad Santa only comes once a year.
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Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick is a sex-related media gadabout. For more than 20 years, Jon has been putting sex into our daily conversations at his long-running site SexInWords—as a writer, editor, publisher, sex toy reviewer, radio host, workshop facilitator, event producer and more. These days, he focuses on writing for Kinkly, GetMeGiddy, The Buzz and PinkPlayMags and editing Jason Armstrong's series of Solosexual books. In 2015, Jon edited Cleis Press' Best Sex Writing of the Year, V1 to rave reviews. He's also the winner of the 2010 TNT Favourite Adult Journalist Award and one of Broken Pencil's 50 People and Places We Love past co-host and producer of Sex City. Jon co-produced the queer literary festival Writing Outside the Margins with Xtra Magazine for two years. You can find him on Twitter at @Sexinwords.
