How to Find Inspiration for the Hottest BDSM Scenes

It's Friday. It's date night - and you have a hot playtime scheduled with your partner. Well, at least, you scheduled the *time* itself. As for the scene? Yeah, you have no idea. Compounding the problem, Monday through Thursday were rough days at work, and you got a flat tire, and your credit card stopped working, and your car insurance renewal isn't going like it's supposed to, and....

You get it. Even when we schedule kink and sex in advance, the creativity doesn't magically appear on a schedule. If you don't give yourself time and space to find that creativity ahead of time, it usually doesn't just "appear" - especially when you're busy!

Hoping to give your brain a bit of the jump-start for your upcoming scene? We're here to help. Consider some of these creativity boosters for when you're at a lull for how to bring all of your favorite BDSM elements together into a scene that'll leave you entirely satisfied.

Keep a Log

This is honestly one of the biggest points off of this entire article. If you don't keep a notebook, journal, or saved cell phone note with some of your scene ideas, you should start sometime soon. While it doesn't need to be comprehensive or particularly thorough, having a written log of some of the kink ideas you've had will help when you hit a slump in the future.

Not feeling inspired on Friday? Check the notebook for sexy ideas you had last month when you were really in the zone. Write down the important aspects to you, and if you're feeling particularly helpful to future-you, include a list of all of the stuff you'll need to prep to get that scene off the ground.

Read: Making a Scene: How to Create the Hottest BDSM Encounters

Give Yourself Space

This one can be a hard one with our busy everyday schedules, but a packed schedule is the death of creativity. There's a reason that writers and creative types have problems "performing" when everyday life is chipping away at them. It's because our constant "to-do" lifestyles aren't particularly conducive to brainstorming and daydreaming. They're much more effective at making sure the fridge has groceries and you're up to date on your immunizations.

Giving yourself space is hard, but it's ultimately rewarding in the creativity department. Take a walk. Take a bubble bath. Sit and stare at space for 20 minutes. Go to the coffee shop and just take your coffee in-house as you enjoy some daydreams while you stare into the cup. Eat your work lunch alone at a restaurant and let your mind wander.

Sure, your brain will attempt to go back to that ever-lasting to-do list, but keep it in check. Don't punish yourself. It's entirely natural. When you catch your brain attempting to do more work, gently guide it away from the serious parts of life.

When we say "give yourself space", we don't mean zone out with television or music either. If it distracts your brain enough to keep it from wandering, that's likely not the type of activity that's going to help you foster your daydreams.

Search Forums

Have a particular kink in mind without too much inspiration about how to get the ball rolling with it in a scene? Or maybe you've just done that kink thousands of times in scenes and want a new take on it. Either way, searching kink forums is a good way to view your kink in a new light. You'll find gatherings of people who enjoy a similar kink - and in many cases, lots of stories and experiences about how they've been practicing that kink in their everyday life.

Social sites, like Fetlife or Yahoo Groups, provide a full network of different "groups" of kinksters at your disposal, but depending on how niche your kink is, you might have more luck going with an old-school discussion board. Try a Google search to see if any discussion boards or forums pop up for the kink you have in mind.

Read: 10 Important Lessons I Learned When I Found My Local Kink Scene

Set Up a Social Network

Speaking of social networks, they can be a wonderful tool in helping rekindle your inspiration. On the basic end, you can use your social network (especially Twitter or other adult-friendly networks!) to follow people into the same things you are. Once you do, your feed will be full of people doing awesome things with the kinks you're into.

Want to extend your network even further? Consider searching by hashtags to find more people who are into the same things you are. Add those people to your feed, and over time, you'll slowly craft a network full of people who are doing kinky things that spark your creativity!

A note of caution on social networks, though: let's all remember that most of us (myself included!) tend to post our most brag-worthy and impressive accomplishments. This can lead to a pretty inflated feed of over-the-top scenes while the everyday, normal ones get left out.

Try to remember that you're looking a curated list of someone's best-foot-forward. While social networks can be amazing to getting inspiration (purely because most people post their "above and beyond" scenes!), it can also quickly lead to feeling more frustrated about your current creative block. Make sure to keep a healthy mentality in check - or else some people end up feeling worse now that they've added social media into their lives.

Read Erotica

While taking photos to post on social media networks presents a few roadblocks (like anonymity, reality, physics, and a photo-taking device), writing words doesn't have the same entrance fee. A lot of people prefer to write out their experiences - or their fantasies! Luckily for you, this can be a perfect way to gain some insight into a kink - especially if the kink you're looking to scene with isn't a kink that you, yourself, are particularly into. Reading fantasies can help you understand what someone loves about a kink and what the most effective ways will be to add that kink into your scene.