How Mindfulness Can Help You Have Better Orgasms

3. Let Go of Worry

Anxieties and concerns can also get in the way of being in the present moment. Whether it’s worrying about whether a partner is experiencing pleasure, or concerns about looks or body size, thoughts can take you out of awareness of your body, and into your mind.

Many of our hang-ups aren’t really justified. For example if a partner loves and desires us, then we can breathe, relax, and let worries about our looks float by, and come back to the present moment.

If thoughts are more complex or persistent, it can be a good idea to address them either with conversation with a partner or with a therapist. This can help you to process difficult emotions so that they don’t get in the way of enjoying the present.

In the moment, if you notice any thoughts or concerns, some of these may be accompanied by tension in the body which interferes with your experience of pleasure. Gently try to relax tense muscles so that pleasure can flow more easily.

Read: The Surprising Things That Happen When You Stop Going for the Orgasm

4. Let Go of the End Goal

Sex can become a race to give or receive an orgasm, and with a goal there can be thoughts and worries about reaching it, or not. What if I ejaculate too soon? What if my partner doesn’t give me enough pleasure to orgasm?

Goal related thinking takes you out of the present moment, and can cause physical tension as your body responds to negative thoughts. So instead of focusing on the goal, return to the sensations you are experiencing in the moment. You may find, when you really focus that pleasure is already there, and isn’t a goal you need to strive towards.

Hilary Kimball says:

‘’When you take away the goal, and just be present with what’s there in the moment, a whole new world opens. You learn to relax into pleasure instead of contracting with it, which expands the pleasure and cultivates a higher quality and quantity of sexual energy. When you do this then the energy can spread throughout your physical and energy body, and it feeds you with it’s life-giving, creativity and vitalizing properties.’’

Hilary Kimball's Two Practises for Becoming More Present

1. Set a timer for three minutes and speak out loud all the moment sensations you feel in your pelvis. You can do this whether you’re aroused or not. Say ‘’I’m noticing x, y, z.’’ So for example, ‘’I’m noticing a pulsing around my clitoris...I’m noticing a tension on the right side of my vagina...I’m noticing a feeling of heat around my vaginal opening...I’m noticing a contracted feeling around my womb.’’ Keep to descriptions of sensations, rather than emotions. This keeps you focused on your physical body, rather than the mind. If you have a partner, you can do this with them, taking turns, or by yourself.

2. Set a timer for five mins (or however you want to practise.) Set an intention to keep your presence in your pelvis. Start with a few minutes of breathing into your pelvis. Keep breathing, and then imagine that your sexual organs are able to sound whatever you’re experiencing in that moment. Make sound aloud while simultaneously breathing into your pelvis. Finally, add movement, so you’re moving your pelvis in circles or waves, while at the same time breathing into sound sounding from it, keeping your attention present in your pelvis.