BDSM Is My Religion

From the outside, BDSM might not seem all that deep. It's often portrayed in silly, crude, or disturbing ways. I understand why people who have never tried it think we kinksters are all shithouse crazy.

The association of BDSM and "crazy" has long been established. The American Psychological Association (APA) lists sadomasochism (the S and the M in BDSM) as a paraphilic disorder, which is the category of "sexual deviancy." This means, if a specific set of criteria are met, a psychiatrist could diagnose you with the disorder. There is a long history of pathologizing sexual preferences that stray from what is considered mainstream "normal" and it is hugely problematic.

But seeing is different than doing.

Within the community, there's a subset of fetishists who view BDSM as more than a path to sexual fulfillment. Rather, it's considered a type of spiritual practice, whatever that means to the individual. This hedonistic flavor of devotion is often referred to as 'sacred kink'.

The fact that practitioners find spiritual fulfillment through BDSM shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone familiar with the presence of sadomasochism in mainstream religions. From self-flagellation to firewalking to chastity, people have long used suffering as a means of expressing devotion or chasing catharsis.

The idea that religious masochism is holy, but sexual BDSM is deviant feels like a double standard. In a 1983 study, Charme SL observed, "religious phenomena may provide cultural or collective responses to the psychological needs at the root of masochism."

What do those involved in BDSM mean when they describe it as a spiritual experience? What does connecting with the divine feel like in the context of kink?

I attended a sacred kink munch with practitioners from various backgrounds and identifications. Here are some ways they're using BDSM to nourish the soul in the quest for spiritual truth.

Read: Can You Be Religious and Kinky?

I think there is also space to discuss the double standard of religious S/m and sexual

There's nothing wrong with not participating in degrading play, of course. Yet, at some point, I had to ask myself why I cared so much. If mere words could provoke such sensitivity, a part of me must have been insecure in my value as a person. People brimming with self-love aren't derailed by role play gab spoken in jest.

Eleanor Roosevelt made the point succinctly:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

A valuable lesson for the soul. Gee thanks, BDSM!Altered States

It's no secret that masochism gets you high. We kinky pain junkies are all about the endorphin rush colloquially known as subspace. It's a serene, floaty, delightful experience that results from a consensual ass-beating and/or submissive state of mind.

Tops, on the other hand, sometimes ride the wave of another type of high during play, known as 'top space' or 'dom space'. The organizer of the munch I attended described it as a flow state, where he could fully immerse himself in enjoyment without the insecurities and hang-ups normally produced by the ego.

"It's an almost effortless feeling when my partner and I click during play. I'm connected with her, but also with my higher self at the same time. I'm in the moment, in control, and hyper-aware of everything that's happening."

"It's an almost effortless feeling when my partner and I click during play. I'm connected with her, but also with my higher self at the same time."