Can I learn to love my own gender?

About The SexSmith
Picture of The SexSmith

Got kink? The SexSmith writes a blog about sex and relationships based on letters written to Dear SexSmith. Each response is crafted with humor and genuine care. Get the advice you need to keep your sex life sizzling. Full Bio

Q:

I find most men my age to be selfish, self-absorbed and domineering. Most women, on the other hand, are people I actually like. I've never been in love with another woman, although I have thought about what the physical part would be like. Can I learn to love my own gender?

A:It is with compassion that I tell you that trading men for women because you find men to be a problem is merely like trading geometry for quantum physics because you don't care for the professor.

Men, despite their human frailties, are generally somewhat transparent. They're up-front, and direct: what you see is what you get. Women, by contrast, are layered like an onion ... spicy, juicy, hot, revealing layers only a little bit at a time. And if you should cut into one, well, be prepared, because you may be the one who ends up crying.

There is a certain type of lesbian who likes a certain type of heterosexual woman - one with shades of a '50s housewife, but with modern mores, and a little Marilyn Monroe thrown in. It might not be politically correct to say it, but many lesbians habitually crush on straight girls.

What it all comes down to, nonetheless, is who you're attracted to. Who do you want to go down on? Do you find male genitalia arousing, or is it just when it's attached to someone you care for? Do women turn you on?

These aren't simple questions. Watch some porn and find out who you identify with - and who you're lusting after. While porn can serve as self-sex therapy, and as a guide, you may only know if you prefer women through sexual intimacy with a woman or two. Take care, though, because it sounds as though what you seek is love and romance. It's not just men; seeking true love with one person is no easier among women than you've already experienced.

No matter what you uncover about yourself, in discovering your bisexuality, lesbianism, or even your heterosexuality, you may find the true holy grail of happiness: self-actualization. Now that is the path to personal bliss, single or otherwise.

As the Bard famously said, "To thine own self be true." Otherwise, we remain as strangers in a strange land, and there is no genuine happiness, no matter who you choose to keep you warm at night.

Have a question? Ask The here.

View all questions from The.

Connect with us

Kinkly on Pinterest
Kinkly on Pinterest
logo
Kinkly on Twitter


'@kinkly_com'
Sign up for Kinkly's Free Newsletter!

Get Kinkly in Your Inbox

PARTNERSthat turn us on