3 Easy Steps for Better Orgasms

Orgasming during sex can be tricky business if you have a vagina. Some people with vaginas can come in 60 seconds flat, while most require more time and effort. One study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that the average time to orgasm for women was 14 minutes for partnered sex and eight minutes during masturbation. (It's important to note that not all women have vulvas, and not all people with vulvas identify as women.)

The thing is, no one is winning any awards for coming the quickest. It's not a contest. If the end game is orgasm, that's great. Please communicate with your partner on what you need to make it happen. If not, the ramble of pleasure can be goddamn delightful.

My advice? Set an intentional mood to get started. Light a candle (if you're so inclined). Wear something that makes you feel sexy (or nothing at all). Put on music that makes you melt. (Al Green is my #1 all-time panty-dropper.) Grab some lube and give yourself a vulva massage to get warmed up.

Here are 3 easy steps you can take to help achieve bigger and better orgasms!

1. Exercise

In 1947, OB/GYN Dr. Arnold Kegel designed a series of exercises to strengthen women's pelvic floors. The pelvic floor muscles are a network of muscles and ligaments that support the lower organs. Everyone has pelvic floor muscles. In vulva-owners, this network forms a pelvic hammock of muscle fibers that support the vagina, uterus, bladder, and rectum.

Kegel's technique? Contract and squeeze the vaginal walls for six to eight seconds (with an empty bladder), then relax the muscles. The idea was to repeat the exercise 10 times, two or three times per day. At the time, it was intended to prevent urinary incontinence and was very effective with more than a 90% success rate. Kegels not only strengthen your pelvic floor muscles but get more blood running to the area.

There are several upsides to having a strong vagina and pelvic floor. For one, it can enable the elusive vaginal orgasm. It can also give penis-haver partners stronger orgasms and prevent urinary incontinence.

Kegel exercises can be done using kegel balls (also called Ben Wa balls). Ben Wa balls come in different weights, and when inserted into the vagina they cause the pelvic floor to contract as they move. A vulva-owner can place the Ben Wa balls into their vagina, and go about their day or activities. The pelvic muscles will naturally contract in effort to keep the Ben Wa balls inside. The contractions cause by the Ben Wa balls help to strength the pelvic floor, which can lead to bigger, stronger orgasms!

Read: For Better Orgasms, Flex This Muscle

Kegel balls come in a wide variety of styles, sizes, and weights. Two we like, include LELO HULA Beads, which are vibrating Ben Wa balls, and LELO LUNA Beads Plus, weighted kegel balls housed in silicone.

Lauren Wardini, sex educator and founder of Stay Sexual, says, "A lot of girls think these are only for women who have given birth or are getting older, but this is absolutely not true." (LELO Luna Beads Plus also come in a smaller size for women who haven't given birth.) Wardini credits kegel exercises for increasing one's sex drive.

2. Train

The best way to have better orgasms is to train yourself to have them! Sex toys can help train your body to get closer to orgasm (hello edgeplay!) and help yourself discover what kinds of sensations your really like.

A wand massager is an awesome toy for edgeplay and exploring erogenous zones. Wand massagers provide deep, rumbly vibrations and their flexible heads allow them to be used all over your body. We like the sleek and powerful LELO SMART WAND 2, which has all the wonderful features of the original SMART WAND and even more massage patterns!