As someone who reviews sex toys, I see a lot of interesting claims. The one that irks me the most is when companies imply or outright claim that their product is the product. The Best. For everyone. Just being in the same room as this sex toy will make you erupt into spontaneous orgasm.
There is no one ultimate sex toy that is perfect for every person. Why would we want it that way in the first place?
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OK, so maybe they don't say that, but there is a lot of insinuation that a product is the only one you'll ever need, the best out there, or one that every [insert demographic, usually "women" here] will get endless, ceaseless orgasms from. The truth is that it just doesn't work that way. In fact, I'm not even sure I'd want it to. Here's why there really isn't one toy to rule them all. First off, who wants just one sex toy? I know I don't. Different sex toys have different effects. Not all G-spot toys feel the same. Not all vibrators vibrate similarly. Having some variety and choice is always good. Maybe I'm just spoiled, but some days one vibrator is better than another, depending on my mood. Sometimes, one vibrator is good for warming up, and another is good for finishing the deed. Some things just require options; you can't use big insertables without warming up with smaller toys. Variety in our sex lives keeps things interesting. Having a variety of sex toys can help encourage a sense of fun and adventure, whether you're playing solo or with a partner or partners. There is a huge variety of options out there for every sex toy category to provide you with a ton of fun and different sensations. Why pick just one?
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More pertinent is the fact that not everyone likes the same things or experiences pleasure in the same ways. Our bodies are all set up differently and feel things in vastly different ways. Most of the marketing that claims that a certain toy is the be-all and end-all is aimed toward women and tends to clump all of women's sex toy desires and aesthetic preferences under one roof: intense G-spot stimulation and/or clitoral stimulation and pink, pink, pink! The fact of the matter is that not all women like or want those things. Grouping a large and varied demographic like that is not only harmful, it's also kind of offensive.
I say this is harmful because there is already a lot of pressure to conform to a certain kind of pleasure experience. The stereotypes that most marketing like this plays into often prioritizes girlishness, a goal-oriented and orgasm-focused experience, and G-spot or clitoral stimulation. The widespread nature of this marketing gives the target market the feeling that if they don't experience or want to experience things in a certain way, that there is something wrong with them. This could not be farther from the truth. This can lead to a lot of issues for people whose sexual experiences don't align with the stereotypes.
Here are some of the most common forms of these offenses:
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- Products, packaging, and marketing that presume women exclusively want cute, girly, or "luxe" products.
- The presumption that strong clitoral vibrations are the only thing women want. While clitoral vibrations are valued by a large portion of women, not everyone likes the sensation and quite a few women don't like strong vibrations, or are more particular about the "quality" of vibrations: deep and thumpy rather than surface level and buzzy.
- G-spot stimulation is another one that is hocked as the be-all-end-all-orgasmic experience. In reality, not everyone likes direct G-spot stimulation and G-spots are fairly singular in their preferences. No two are alike, which makes it difficult to make a toy that speaks sweetly to every G-spot out there.
- Rabbit or dual-stim vibrators as a whole are overhyped because everyone is set up differently. There is really no guarantee that one of these toys will hit both your g-spot and clit in just the right way. Then, you have to sit with it there because thrusting would remove the clit portion from where it needs to be. Many people I've talked to prefer separate toys: a small vibe and a G-spotter or dildo for dual stim. Being able to control both independently can take some effort or careful coordination with a partner, but it is often more rewarding.
We should celebrate our differences. Life would be boring if we all liked the same things sexually. It seems nonsensical for me that sex toy manufacturers feel this need to have "the one" product when there really doesn't need to be this kind of cut-throat competition. People who own sex toys often own more than one. People are interested in having a variety of sensations and experiences: sensation is what bedroom play is all about.
This is a unique industry that can be approached in new and unique ways that will ultimately result in better, more innovative products if we let it. Sticking with the old cutthroat mentality of "I make the best, better than all the rest" won't get anyone anywhere, not companies and certainly not their very individual, increasingly discerning, customers.
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Caitlin Murphy
Caitlin began their sex education experience when they received an email in reply to the resume they posted on Craigslist asking if they'd be interested in an interview at an adult store. Though they had never been in an Adult Store at this point in their life, they needed a job and figured "Why not?"
This was ostensibly the moment in which their life changed.
Now more than a year on, Caitlin is not only working at an adult store, but also writes about and reviews sex toys and other adult products on their own website, sex-ational.com, where they also talk about personal experiences and anxiety revolving around sexuality and educate about safety and sexual anatomy.
Words that apply to Caitlin include but are not limited to: queer, gender-nonconforming, consensually non-monogamous, radical, feminist (notice the comma)... the list goes on. When they aren't writing, Caitlin can be found drawing, taking pictures of their partner's cat, or outside somewhere.
