BDSM
Erotic Spanking: 3 Thrilling Types to Try
Published: DECEMBER 12, 2023
| Updated: DECEMBER 12, 2023 05:48:47
Spankings can be used for much more than a little slap and tickle during hot sex.
A smack on your ass while you're getting down and dirty is hot, right? A little bit of teacher/naughty student role play is kinky and means you're sure to get a spanking.
But did you know there is so much more to spankings than the typical slap and tickle during sex? This might surprise you, but some people even find erotic spanking to be therapeutic. And yes, it's possible to enjoy, want, or need all types of spankings as part of a healthy relationship. Here we'll take a look at erotic spankings and three key types you may want to try.
Read: The Ultimate Guide to Impact Play
What is erotic spanking and why are people into it?
"Erotic spanking is consensual spanking between adults who are engaging in erotic exchanges of power," shares renowned sex educator Andy Duran.
He says this can be anything from a couple enjoying adding the sensation of impacting their partner's ass while engaging in other sexual acts, to creating your own context and BDSM scene of how the spankings happen and why they may deserve the "punishment" (or reward!).
Why People Like Being Spanked
Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sexologist and sexual strategist for Velvet Lips Sex Ed and Co-Founder of the Sex Down South Conference, says there are parts of our neural pathways where pain and pleasure overlap on the continuum. She says with regards to spanking, we can gauge this pain and pleasure continuum as we build up during the scene. "For instance, when we are warming up the booty for spanking, a good spanker will slowly draw blood to the booty's surface, so that there can be more pain tolerance. People constantly want to test their pain capacity, which is why we have sayings such as 'no pain, no gain,'" she says.
Read: Why Pain Makes Us Horny
Erotic spanking, then, is a type of pain that can give people access to more pleasure and more pathways of pleasure. Stewart says that spanking allows people to be present in their bodies. It also helps people to map their bodies in a way where they can understand more of who they are and how their bodies react to different spanking instruments.
"With that said, when you can map your pleasure, you can gauge which instruments will accelerate or decelerate the pain and what will accelerate or decelerate the pleasure. With the pain, we know that it causes the central nervous system to release endorphins, which helps to block more of the pain, and then also acts as an opiate to the system, which can put you in a state of euphoria."
Alexa Eason, a sensual sadist available in Philadelphia, New York City, and online, says there are two ways to look at spanking: from the point of the spanker and that of the spankee. "Some spankees are all about pain and subservience. It's about paying the price for their transgressions and getting what they deserve," she says. "Others are into spanking because they love humiliation and degradation. What's more humiliating than being ass up, exposed and vulnerable, draped over mommy's knee?"
Some people are into spanking because they love humiliation and degradation. What's more humiliating than being ass up, exposed and vulnerable, draped over mommy's knee?
Still, she notes that spanking is more of a somatic experience for others. It's an opportunity to slow down and focus on the feelings in their body and the things happening around them. "This can be deeply healing for many people who experience dissociation or those that are often running through life overwhelmed and overextended."
Why People Enjoy Spanking Their Partners
For spankers, Eason says, it can be about the joy of inflicting pain, the feeling of dominance and control over their submissive, or the process of delivering punishment. "I personally love the sadism of spanking and the way butts jiggle when they meet the force of my hand!"
Stewart says one of the main reasons why people engage in erotic spanking is because of the feeling that it reminds them of as children. If they received spankings as a child, she says, they may want to experience that feeling again. Even for those who didn't receive spankings as a child, Stewart says receiving a spanking can still be a way to connect and reflect on childhood experiences (and even trauma) in a consensual way.
"Reliving those experiences is so popular that there have even been spanking conferences that are solely dedicated to spanking people because of the spanks they received as a child," says Stewart. She says some may also get into erotic spanking because it can be a place to meet people. "There are a ton of spanking parties and conferences, and if you're interested in dating or being with someone who may experience their sexual play outside of the box, this is one of the ways that you can connect to people who are like you."
Read: Culture and Fetishes: What's the Connection?
How to Give an Erotic Spanking
When it comes to spanking, Duran says the person topping – or domming the scene/act – should be comfortable negotiating and communicating with their sub before, during and after the scene. "Ask what experience they have, what they want and don't want, and during, you can try asking 'on a scale of 1-10, how hard did that feel for you? Six? Great!' and use that information to determine how you want to adjust or spread out the scene as needed," he says.
On a scale of 1-10, how hard did that feel for you? Six? Great!
When working with beginners, Stewart teaches people to start by warming up the booty. "Doing little pats at a time while rubbing in a circular motion around the booty can not only feel good and help the person relax and get into their body, but it will also help build up the pain tolerance and increase the sexual energy and tension," she shares.
The second technique that Stewart thinks is great for beginners is where you aim. She says that giving beginners direction on hitting can help them find their rhythm. "So, I always tell beginners to aim for the place between the booty meat and the thigh meat (the underbutt) and use their hand to aim upward on that spot."
Doing little pats while rubbing in a circular motion around the booty can not only feel good and help the person relax and get into their body, but it will also help build up the pain tolerance and increase the sexual energy and tension.
Eason loves incorporating spanking into scenes because it's so versatile. In public, one of her greatest joys is to come up behind a submissive and give them a discreet but firm pat on the butt – just to assert her dominance.
"It's pretty standard that spanking serves as a punishment, but when spanking can be a reward, that is where I shine. I want my submissives to beg me to spank them, and I love to see the delight in their eyes when I acquiesce!" she says.
She points out that spanking doesn't have to be painful, and she doesn't have to dominate someone physically to maintain control. "Sensual spanking is more about the position of one's hand/tool and how they control the force of the impact," she says. "I've had multiple people tell me that when I spank them in this manner, they feel it more in their nether regions than anywhere else, and that's just what I like to hear."
I want my submissives to beg me to spank them, and I love to see the delight in their eyes when I acquiesce!
As for spanking tools, Stewart encourages people to start with cost-effective toys to see if you like them and if you can swing them. For instance, she highly suggests getting a small flogger, such as the Enchanted Flogger, to see how you like it. If you do, you can start to upgrade your tools from there.
Duran notes that various materials will impact differently, "Leather paddles are nice and simple, and you can even find ones that may have a soft, fuzzy side and a meaner leather side to offer variety," he says. "Heavier materials like wood and steel will bruise more and change the way the impact spreads across the area hit, some more stingy, some more thuddy."
Duran notes he is also a massive fan of being "hands-on" about spankings. "I think it's erotic and informative to share the impact (and receive the feedback from it) on my own hands while my person is receiving me on their body," he says.
