What makes sex great? Well, that can be a bit different for everyone. One person's "Yum!" can be another person’s "Yuck!" However, there things that definitely mean you are having great sex. I’ve put together this list of 6 sure fire signs that the sex you are having is off the charts.
Great sex is a combination of several sexy factors. If you can openly talk to your partner about your likes and dislikes and if you spend time daydreaming about your tantalizing trysts with your partner, you are well on your way to great sex.
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Sometimes you just know that something will feel good in the sack. Do you feel like you could tell your partner about it? Are you afraid of hurting their feelings if you mention that you want them to do something different? The ability to ask for what you want and openly say what you need is one of the keys to great sex. Your partner must be willing to listen. If you are with a partner that you can be honest with about your sexual needs without them seeing it as an attack on their sexual skills, then the odds are that you’re having good sex.
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Sometimes our partners are into stuff that we don't enjoy. Sometimes we aren’t in the mood for certain things. Sometimes our arms fall asleep and we really don’t want to be that position anymore even if it’s working for our partner. Do you feel like you can say "no" to stuff that you aren’t into without your partner becoming all sulky and grumpy? Better yet: if you say "no" to something, will your partner will say, "That’s cool. What’s next?" If your "no" is always heard and respected, you’re probably having some pretty awesome sex.
You’ve seen it before with hobbies or new skills. You start having fun with it. Then, you start thinking, "I wonder what else I could do with this." (See: anyone who has ever started brewing beer at home.) The same thing happens with sex. When you really begin to enjoy yourself, you start to get ideas. You start to wonder, "What if we did this?" Before you know it, you have a wholeto-do list of things that you want to try with your partner. If you find yourself making sex plans, you’re having badass sex.
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Sure, you want to try new stuff, but there’s also that thing or even those couple of things that always feel so good! You may start the night meaning to try out all the new stuff, but one thing leads to another. Before you know it, everyone is all sweaty and orgasm-drunk because you just couldn’t resist that thing you know always feels amazing. When you find that you have favorites that you keep coming back to, that’s a sure sign that you are having amazing sex.
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Sometimes everyone has an orgasm. Sometimes no one has an orgasm. Sometimes only one of you has an orgasm. Here's a secret for you. Great sex isn’t just about the orgasm! You're enjoying yourselves and making each other feel good in so many other ways! If orgasms don’t happen, it’s not a big deal. You aren't having sex to just get to an orgasm. You are having sex for the sake of having sex; because sex is awesome! When your sex is about the journey and not the just the destination, you are having fabulous sex.
Do you remember the sexual experience you had with your partner days or even weeks later? Do you and your partner find yourselves saying, "Hey, remember the time we..." on a regular basis? If you love the sex you're having so much that you find yourself reminiscing about it, then it is pretty clear you are having really great sex.
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JoEllen Notte
JoEllen is a writer, speaker, researcher and mental health advocate whose work explores the impact of depression on sex and relationships. Since 2012 she has written about sex, mental health, and how none of us are broken on her award-winning site The Redhead Bedhead. JoEllen has led workshops nationwide on sexual communication, navigating consent, having casual sex kindly, and dating as an introvert. She has toured sex shops, spoken at length on dildos, and even started a sex school but she is happiest and most effective when writing and speaking on behalf of quiet people who have sex. Check out her video series on attending conferences as an introvert and her extensive writing on sex and depression. JoEllen has spoken at Clark College, University of Chicago, Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit, and the Playground ConferenceJoEllen's book The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression & The Conversation We Aren’t Having is now available in paperback, ebook, and audiobook.
