Sex Blogger of the Month: Rebecca Hiles of 'The Frisky Fairy'

Here at Kinkly, we work to bring you the Internet's best directory of Sex Bloggers. Why? We do it because we love you. Speaking of love, we are now unashamedly confessing our love for Rebecca Hiles of The Frisky Fairy. By the end of this ten question interview, we know that you'll love her just as much as we do!

Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.

Rebecca Hiles: Positive, accessible, and inclusive.

Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?

Rebecca Hiles: I had been kicking up my heels in sex retail for some time. I really wanted to move to sex education as a full time career. I started working in sex retail at 19, and I felt like I had a lot to say. I really didn't know where to start or what my goals were with my blog. Eventually, I was sitting with my friends ranting about the way we talk about sex. Someone told me to start writing things down! I really wanted to create a space where I could help make sexuality and interpersonal relationships more than accessible and comfortable.

Kinkly: What’s behind the name?

Rebecca Hiles: I am so incredibly bad at being creative on the spot. I was messaging with one of my close friends and was bemoaning the fact that my actual name (Rebecca Hiles) was so boring. We sorted through a few options (condom fairy, sexycancergirl, and a few others). Then she suggested The Frisky Fairy. I loved it because people joked with me that I was a lube fairy, a condom fairy, or called me the sex toy fairy all the time. Thus, The Frisky Fairy was born!

Kinkly: Who’s your target reader?

Rebecca Hiles: My target reader is any person who wants to know more about sex, polyamory, or advocating for yourself! I want people to read my blog because they get something out of it! Whether it's amusement or advice, I want people to walk away from my blog thinking more and feeling good!

Kinkly: What’s unique about your blog?

Rebecca Hiles: When I started looking into talking about sex and making a living out of talking about sex, I quickly noticed that I felt overwhelmed by the amount of information out there. I also noticed that some of it could be very off-putting because sex is very complex. I try to talk about sex in a way that is familiar and warm. I want it to connect with readers who are all in different places in their personal identity paths. My blog is unique in that I talk through it in the same way that I would talk to my best friends. I try to create a space that is safe, comfortable, and welcoming.

Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?

Rebecca Hiles: I seem to talk a lot about polyamory. This is probably because I knew literally one other polyamorous person when I came out. So, I had to field a lot of this myself. I like the idea that I approach polyamory in a way that is accessible to monogamous folks. They can read my posts about polyamory and take things back to their own relationship. I think that now is the absolute time to start talking about and normalizing polyamorous relationships. We've come so far with sex education. We recognize how sexuality and gender are fluid. So, I think it's probably time that we start to recognize that how we organize our relationships and feel about people romantically is also fluid.

Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?

Rebecca Hiles: The Frisky Fairy Discusses: Polyamory and STIs is definitely the post that has had the most views. I think that so many people read that post because we discuss STIs as an abstract concept. Especially in polyamory, I find that we're either protecting ourselves from STIs or discussing how to interact with partners when you do have an STI. I hadn't really seen much talk on what happens when you've been exposed to one. Much of what I found was super negative. I really wanted to write a post that helped people who are in the strange space of having been exposed to an STI to help them take a step back and realize that they aren't the only ones in that situation. While it's scary, it isn't the end of the world.

Kinkly: What’s the best thing about writing a sex blog?

Rebecca Hiles: The people I meet! Seriously, since starting this blog I've gotten the chance to speak to so many people and meet so many more amazing folks who are on these incredible journeys of self discovery through sex. They're all incredible. I've made so many more friends that I don't think I would have otherwise met. My life is so incredibly enriched by these experiences and the stories that these people have shared with me! I honestly believe that if I had to give it all up tomorrow that I would still be incredibly lucky to have these incredible people in my life!

Kinkly: What’s the worst thing about it?

Rebecca Hiles: Oh man, there are definitely two things that I complain about on the reg. I made the decision very early on to use my real name for my blogging and education. I have such a high level of anxiety of saying or doing the wrong thing. It sometimes terrifies me that if I say the wrong thing or upset the wrong people that I'm going to receive horrible threats. Beyond that, using my real name and not being anonymous means that I definitely have a lot of life/work crossover. It can be really awesome sometimes, but other times my friends and family want to talk to me about this cool new sex thing they've seen or heard about and I just want to look at pictures of puppies and talk about how they plan to remodel their dining room.

Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.

Rebecca Hiles: My best tip is really my absolute favorite tip. People, all people, need to start talking to their partners and asking for what they want. No one is responsible for your orgasms but you!