6 Not-So-Sexy Things That Lead to Better Sex

One of the secrets of a better sex life is having more sex. (Practice makes perfect!) Yet, aside from this obvious wisdom, is there anything not sexy that you can do that actually improves your sex life?

Sure. Plenty. Here are a few suggestions.

Get Therapy

Particularly for long-term couples, therapy has plenty of benefits. Talk therapy can help to:

• Relieve depression, anxiety, phobias, and stress
• Deal with major life events
• Improve your quality of life when dealing with chronic illness
• Learn how to cope with life after abuse or trauma
• Improve the quality of your relationships
• Support your overall mental and emotional well-being

How is this relevant to your sex life?

Being mentally and emotionally healthier, having fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety, and managing trauma or major life events can help you enjoy sex more because these things won't be so much in the way of your pleasure.

A therapist can also help you with body image issues, sexual shame, communication in relationships, sexual trauma, and other things that stop you from having the best sex you can have.

Work Out

There are plenty of reasons to exercise, but one of them is that it leads to better sex. Exercise strengthens your cardiovascular system (so you can go at it without losing your breath), improves muscular endurance (so you can go at it longer), and generally makes your body function more smoothly.

For women, exercise improves lubrication (through better blood flow). Working out also releases endorphins and balances hormones. If you work out with your partner, you'll get a boost of adrenaline that will remind you of your first months together, which might just make you hit the sack like you used to!

Understand and Practice Intimacy

Although many people conflate "intimacy" with "sex," sex is only one component (and not an essential one) of intimacy.

If you want to connect better during sexy times, practice intimacy with not only your partner, but also your friends and your family. Understanding how to connect with your partners will be helpful in creating a better sex life.

Here are a few suggestions to increase your sense of intimacy with others:

• Turn off the phone. TURN IT OFF. Seriously. Put it away.
• Learn how to actively listen. Don't daydream or let your thoughts drift off. Just listen to the other person.
• Practice non-sexual physical intimacy by holding hands, hugging, and cuddling with your partner(s) and/or friends.
• Tell those you love how much you appreciate them. Thank them sincerely for something they have done for you.
• Open up your feelings and express them without reserve. When someone expresses their feelings to you, listen without judging.

Being able to connect deeply and intimately with someone will definitely show up in your sex life. Unconnected sex is bad sex; it's all in the connection.

Eat Better Food

In the general "better health = better sex" category, we also have eating a better diet.

Too much salt, sugar and fat will make you lethargic and slow your body down. Eating a healthy diet with as little processed food as possible will make you healthier, and, therefore, improve your libido and sex life.

Of course, it's OK to go for the chocolate cake once in a while. In general, try to eat unprocessed food cooked at home. Avoid junk and fast foods. And, who knows? Maybe learning to cook new recipes together will bring your closer!

Pursue Your Own Goals

Huh? How does that improve my sex life?

When you live just for the benefit of another person, you can quickly lose your sense of identity. Having a strong, healthy identity and activities that you can pursue by yourself (instead of depending on your partner for everything) will promote your mental health and help you have healthier relationships with others.

So, go ahead and ask for that promotion, write that book, finish that college degree, or go to graduate school. Get a hobby that you can do by yourself. Have activities and friends that don't involve your partner.

That way, you'll have stories to tell each other once you meet in bed, and, in my experience, people find go-getters and ambition sexy!

A Happy, Healthy (Sex) Life

In the end, living a good, healthy life improves your sex life, which in turn makes you feel better about your life in general. It's a never-ending cycle of good vibes - and orgasms.